Journal of THE Boss

June 7, 2008

2010-06-07T12:33:00.003-07:00

It's been two years. Two years ago today we lost you. Looking through my photo albums is like a double-edged sword. It brings me such joy and laughter as I am reminded of the times we spent together and yet it makes me so angry that you are gone and we don't have you anymore. I shake my head.

If you didn't know it, you are missed. The mere thought of having a step-mother made the hairs on my head stand up. I was in the 8th grade when you and dad got married. I wasn't even allowed to go to your wedding. I don't remember much of our early years except for the fact that we played LOTS of tricks on you. That I didn't like you. That, at that tender age, I felt like you were just trying to replace my mother and have someone to boss around. But, as the years went on and I slowly matured, I began to see that you really were a friend, a confidant, a supporter, an ally, a team member against the evil one (dad!). You spoke up for us, you defended us, and you loved us.

My freshest memories are of you and your grandchildren. Wow. It brings a smile to my face. Remembering you. Watching you with all your grandkids. Yeah, I know there were times when they drove you nuts and the volume in your house was much more than you could stand. That you had to just retire to your room for several hours to get some peace and quiet. But you were wonderful to them and they miss you too.

We are left with a void, still. We wonder when it will get better. Time heals we are told. Maybe, someday, it will be less painful. But we will never forget and we will keep your memory alive, for them, Anthony, Jacob, Alyssa, Olivia, Madelyn, Gabrielle, Camille, Rosemary and even Gianna. Because they will never forget their Grammy Pammy.

We love you.

Line In The Sand?

2009-12-29T10:00:00.000-08:00

Soft, pliable, easily washed away. Sand.

It's an old adage. Why is it that people draw lines in the sand? Is it because it's easy. Is it because it's comfortable. Is it because it doesn't hurt and is without consequence. Is it because lines can be quickly drawn. Or is it because it can be easily moved. I believe all of it but mostly the latter.

It's been an interesting road. I don't even think I can count the number of times that I've moved that line.

'I'll allow it to get to this point and then stop.'

'I'm sure I'll never allow it to go this far.'

'If this ever happens, then it has to be over.'

Still, I crossed those lines, waited for the tide to come in to wash the line away and then jumped with both feet into new territory and drew a new line. And look where it has gotten me.

Those lines in the sand WERE easy. Those lines in the sand WERE comfortable. Those lines in the sand DIDN'T hurt and WERE without consequence. They WERE quickly drawn. And they most definitely COULD be easily moved.

I'm doing something different now. I'm trying out a new medium.

concrete

Concrete won't be easy. It won't be comfortable. It will hurt and it will have consequence. It will take a long time to draw. And once it's set, it won't be moved. It will hurt like nothing else has hurt in my life. It will leave scars because I will bleed. Those scars will take a long time to heal. But they will heal, I am confident of that. And once time has elapsed and my wounds have disappeared, I will always remember because I will have a constant reminder. But that line will be set, because it's in concrete, never to be crossed again.

What It Is

2009-12-10T23:11:00.002-08:00

Why is that you go along in life thinking that you are so happy, then one day it all changes? I had felt that way for so long. I never said that 'other shoe' mentality wasn't there, cause it was, i just ignored it cause i was so happy with where i was in life. What could take it away? well, i found out.

I had always been the responsible one. The one that EVERYONE could depend on. I guess you could say it was, who I was. I was trained that way. One slip up could mean days of silent treatments or snide remarks. So, I decided to play it safe. And safe is how I played it. My entire life. Until one day, I had had enough. No more being the good one. No more doing what everyone else wanted. No more obeying the rules. I didn't want it anymore. I've been told that I never had a chance to have an adolescence. I guess they are right, cause I didn't. I didn't have time to get in trouble. I had a family to raise and care for. So, why do it when you are 37 years old, have a husband of 14 years and three children. Don't no. Ask Pam. She started it.

I never had time to find me. What I wanted. What made ME happy. But when I finally sat back and looked, I found it. And unfortunately, one person embodied that new change. It was wrapped in this one person. What I loved was rekindled. Cause when I was young, it was bad. My parent looked down on it, made fun of it, made fun of me. It was my passion and that parent didn't care-just stay out of trouble. What that parent didn't realize is that that passion is the ONLY reason I did stay out of trouble. So, here we are, this one person in my present reminds me how much I loved this passion and that at my age, I could still have it and have it better. And that's what I went for. Regardless of what everybody else felt. I didn't care anymore. I gave up fighting the old me who had to follow the rules. I just didn't care. I went for it. And found something that I had never experienced before, in more ways than one.... and that's where it got complicated.

What's important is that it's all gone, all of it. And I am almost forced back to the old me... i STILL don't want it anymore. I have no control of that. So, what do I do. I do what I do best. Go back to what I can control since all of it is out of control. I can control how I look. I can still go to the tanning booth to stay golden. I can watch what I eat so I stay slim. I WILL avoid gaining what I don't need. I WILL stay in tuned with my passion for as long as possible and then I will seek alternatives to stay toned so I can jump back in as soon as possible.

But what makes me so sad is those things that I can't control. Cause they are gone. Never to be had again. And that is tearing me apart. It's madness. Really, it is. Where's my straitjacket? I need one, i'm telling you. I'm not the same me. I never will be. I don't know if I will ever recover. And I guess that's okay but then where do I go from here. That's the million dollar question folks. Cause I don't know where to go. I get glimpses of me, the things that would make me smile and they still make me smile. But those moments are few. I would say that I'm truly lost. Searching for someone who isn't there anymore and trying my hardest to let go of those things I am forced to let go of - they aren't healthy I tell myself. They aren't healthy for you to be able to find you again. Telling my mind is easy - it's my heart I'm having a hard time convincing.

Come Back To Me

2009-05-29T12:23:00.000-07:00

It's amazing how fast your life can change. You go along and then BAM one day everything is different. I've always waited for the other shoe to drop and I think the entire closet just unloaded on me. The time is now. How is is that you think you know what you want, you get it, and then you don't want it anymore? How do you handle that? I just don't know. I don't have the answers now. I sure wish I did.

I heard this song on XM last week and came home immediately to find the lyrics. It's called "Come Back To Me" by David Cook. This is what I need.

You say you gotta go and find yourself
You say that you're becoming someone else
Don't recognize the face in the mirror
Looking back at you

You say you're leavin
As you look away
I know theres really nothin left to say
Just know i'm here
Whenever you need me
I'll wait for you

So i'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me

Take your time i wont go anywhere
Picture you with the wind in your hair
I'll keep your things right where you left them
I'll be here for you

Oh and i'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me

And i hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
You find you come back to me

I can't get close if your not there
I can't get inside if theres no soul to bear
I can't fix you i can't save you
Its something you have to do

So i'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me
Come back to me
So i'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me

And i hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
You find you come back to me

When you find you come back to me
When you find you come back to me
When you find you come back to me

Taking Some Lessons From Alanis

2009-01-15T01:45:00.000-08:00

It's been fourteen years of investment

It's been one foot in and one foot out

It's been fourteen days full of shit

And I feel snuffed out

It's been 36 years of restraining

Of trying to control this tumult

How I did invest in such fantasy

But my nervous system has worn out

I feel done

I feel raked over coals

I've repeated this dance ad nauseaum

There's still something to learn that I've not

I"m told to see this as divine perfection

But my bones don't feel this perfection

I"ve spent my life hovering above bottom

Thinking I can't survive whats below

But I've known through the kicking and screaming

That there was no other direction to go

I feel done

I feel raked over coals

And all that remains is the case

That it's a bitch to grow up

I Skipped Christmas

2008-12-27T22:26:00.000-08:00

Deserved

2008-10-18T14:32:00.005-07:00

Today was a special day for Miss Olivia. She has been working particularly hard on a gymnastics skill on the uneven bars and finally mastered it. As a reward, we took her and a fellow gymnast out to get a special manicure and pedicure. She was all about it and looked so grown up sitting there with her feet in the little tub. I know she was in her glory.

CONGRATULATIONS OLIVIA!!!

Add Another

2008-09-16T17:08:00.005-07:00

I figured I'd better get this out before I have to do it again in a few days for daughter number 2. So, pardon the post dating!

HAPPY 7th BIRTHDAY GABI!!!

Her Pop Pop was in for the day and that really added to her day. All she wanted to do was go to Build-A-Bear Workshop that day. She actually wanted to take a bunch of friends with her to which I quickly said 'No' to after calculating the price. I think it's a silly concept. I'm not a stuffed animal lover, I think they are a waist of money but she insisted so we took the trip to the mall to pick out a deflated stuffed friend. She picked a panda bear, stuffed it with fluff, gave it a voice (it giggles), we all added a little heart to the inside of it and I even threw in a wedding dress for the stupid thing. The one thing that I failed to notice as we left the house was my darling daughter's outfit. As she stepped out of the van at the mall, I couldn't help but notice her little denim shorts and then as I continued looking down, the black riding boots that she had chosen to wear with them.

Gabi's new friend from Build-A-Bear

. . .and her latest fashion statement

What can I say, she's a Foo!!

Yep, Still There

2008-09-11T18:25:00.000-07:00

Today is September 11.

Who remembered?

Probably the whole country.

Well, let me tell you, I haven't forgotten.

I was at lunch yesterday with a friend talking nonsense, when he happened to mention that it would be September 11 tomorrow. My demeneor immediately changed.

This morning we watched CNN in New York. We observed the moment of silence to commemorate when the first plane hit the World Trade Center.

It still hurt. Tears still came to my eyes.

I will never forget.

Abbreviated

2008-07-26T04:51:00.007-07:00

It's come that time again. I can't believe it came so soon but it is here. It approaches with apprehension and gritting of teeth. I don't think I can do it like last year. Those expectations are so high. It's always been a coming together of fun times, relaxing with siblings and sharing in the burden of the things we choose to do. But oh, the patience it takes. The patience it takes to keep a level head. I know I just can't do it this year. Pam changed that. Her death has sent all of us into a tail spin. I am coming to realize that sometimes you don't realize the impact someone has on your life until they are gone. We are finding that out. And we are finding that the energy and emotion it took to deal with the events surrounding Pam's death and funeral have made a major impact on our desire and ability to just pack up and come together. I know I am not alone in these feelings.

But we did it anyway. Abbreviated as it was, we did it anyway. Camp GrandMAMA might not have been the magnitude it was in the past but all 8 of those kids came together at my house to do things and visit places you can only do at Camp GrandMAMA.

Dead Stop

2008-06-15T18:10:00.009-07:00

It's been a while. Things move along at lightening speed. First, I feel like I've done my new little niece such a disservice. I casually mentioned her several posts ago and have never shared anything about her or even a picture. I'm sorry little Rosemary Pearl. I know you are the second child but you are just as important as your older sister. To introduce as of January 28, 2008, little Miss Rosemary Pearl -

She's adorable. She's a skinny little thing, has long legs and arms and long fingers - just like her momma. I think she looks nothing like her sister. This one definitely has our genes from our side of the family. What a sweetie she is. And then there is her nutty sister!

And life continues to move at lightening speed . . .

Jake on the trampoline

Cousins at the Ft. Myers Miracle baseball game

Cousins

And when we get home from Florida, life continues to speed by . . . .

Olivia and her gymnastic buddies

And then, out of the blue, it comes to a dead stop. Some things happen in life that stop you dead in your tracks. Things that change your life forever. No turning back. No do-overs. The what-if's just don't matter. Trying to put the puzzle together is supposed to help but does it. Or does it just make it worse. Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't. The answers aren't coming soon enough. And it's even harder to think that some answers won't come at all. And then what do we do. What conclusions will we come to. What conclusions will help us get through this. What conclusions will make it all right in our minds, to give it meaning, purpose. What will we tell ourselves to keep sane. I just don't know right now. I just don't know. And I don't look forward to the time when I have to deal with it. Right now, I choose to put it away.

I found out on Tuesday night that my dad's wife, Pam, had died.

My life will never be the same.

Olivia, Olivia, Olivia

2008-05-04T18:11:00.004-07:00

So, I just realized that the last few months I have posted alot about my little Olivia. Really, I do have 2 other children. I thought this picture, taken by Foo this weekend, was exceptionally cute of me and Liv. I also like it because I look mostly human and not like a taxi driver (that's the new hat I wear these days).

But really, the main purpose of this post is to share a picture of my other two darling children. And please don't ask me why my daughter had a bucket on her head.

That picture is of Jake playing catcher for the Mets, his baseball team. Both him and Gabi had opening day for teeball and baseball this past weekend. This is Jake's 3rd year with his baseball team. Next year he moves up to a different age bracket. What is amazing me is that this year, he is one of the kids I used to be frightened of when he first started playing a few years ago. He's one of those BIG kids now that used to make me cringe when Jake had to play those types of kids. These little boys would come up to hit the ball and when Jake had to return it to the pitcher, he would stand up and these little boys were just turning around and having to look up to this beast of a boy - my son!!!! Several times when Jake would hit and run to first base, the first baseman would get out of his way for fear of being pummeled! 9 out of the 10 players on Jake's team are 3rd year kids. Their first game was against a very young team and unfortunately for Jake the pitcher was his next door neighbor. When this kid was pitching to Jake, he had to control his laughter and smiles as they were both looking at each other. I wasn't sure who to cheer for and ended up cheering for both of them. The first time Jake batted he ended up getting a hit off the kid, I felt so sorry for the pitcher. But then, the second time Jake hit, that pitcher struck him out! I guess that's neighbor street justice for ya. We are looking forward to a great season this year. Jake's team actually has a chance at going to the playoffs. They won their first game and I hope there are many more like that!

It's All in the Hairstyle and other Lizard Stories

2008-03-05T18:23:00.012-08:00

I am leaving the date the way it is as this was the day that I actually started writing this.

I'm learning that it's all in the hairstyle. It's not as much about the leotard, the warm-up or even the walk. It'a all in the hairstyle. The sparkles, the glitter, the crazy designs made in their heads. I only let my darling daughter do this once and a while as the tiny elastics pull out the hairs around her face. But I gave in for this one special meet.

Now that comeptition season is over, she is banned from these designs in her head. I have to give her fine hair a chance to grow back out so we can do it all again in October when she starts competing again.

And on to our next story . . .

One of the fun things we do when we are in Florida is to catch lizards from my dad's pool area and bring them back out into the grass. We get to do this often as the little guys are everywhere!! This past visit, there was a little anole lizard on the concrete surrounding my dad's pool. I called the kids attention to it and we all gathered around to get as close as we could before it ran off. Well, it just sat there and looked at us. I asked Olivia to pick it up and bring it out to the grass. But when she picked it up, it just sat there in her hands and made no attempt to escape.

Everyone got a chance to hold it and besides running up our arms or our hands, it never tried to jump away or even bite us. Immediately, Olivia fell in love with this little guy and started begging me to keep it. I wasn't quite sure how to respond to my daughter. I said that he would be happier there in Florida and that we should give him a chance to make a run for it. So, we brought him outside to the grass to let him go. Even there, he just sat in her hands.

After a while and several attempts at putting the lizard in the grass to which he just sat there and didn't run away, I decided to put him in a little container until I could talk with the kids Grammy Pammy, a lover of all things small, to decide if it was even possible to keep a lizard up norh. Well, we have a new pet now. Olivia decided to name him Immokalee after a city in Florida. The lizard didn't cost us a thing but his northern home, well, that's another story.

Immokalee's Northern Home

Holding on to Dear Life

2008-02-24T12:20:00.010-08:00

As many of you may, or may not be aware, my father has cancer. He has had it for several years and it has been able to be managed enough to not affect his life to much. That was until a few months ago when some of the tumors started popping up again. His cancer is not curable. As a matter of fact, it's quite rare. So anything the limited research has been able to come up with to fight it has been welcome. That's why, when the baby killing medicine of yesteryear, thalidomide, was suggested as a way to combat some of those tumors, the method was tried out. After significantly altering my dad's life for a period of months, it was decided that that method wasn't helping at all and could have, in fact, made it worse. So here we are, faced with the fact that, according to the research, there is only one other drug that could possibly send those tumors back into remission. How long? Nobody knows. Will it work? Only time will tell.

So I hold onto these moments. These opportunities to be a part of his life. These memories that will one day become all I have left. I ache not as much for me but for those grandkids of his who adore him. They have been with him since the day they were born. I wish he could be with them when they have their own. Who knows, maybe he will. The sucky part is, I have to deal with the fact that maybe he won't.

For so many years, this cancer has been one of those subjects that was on the bottom of the list. He took his treatments, the tumors stayed away and that was that. We did other things, said other things, debated other things, enjoyed other things. Their was a time that he tried chemotherapy and lost all of his hair. Let me tell you, that was a reality check. To have to see him like that was very painful but we did it anyway. In fact, in some strange way, it became mandatory. Not for us but for his grandkids. It was important that they see him that way. They had to start to get an understanding that their beloved Pop Pop had cancer. And we all went to see him that Thanksgiving. The 6 grandkids at the time, decided on a special hat for him to wear to hide his bald head. I wish I had the pictures to post because it was hysterical to see all of them piled up on his lap, so proud of the chicken hat that he was wearing, totally oblivious to the baldness their Pop Pop had acquired. That reality check came again a few months ago when he was undergoing the thalidomide treatment. He basically hibernated for those months. That medicine was given once at night to pregnant women to help them sleep. He was taking it 4 times a day. How do YOU think he felt? To have to watch this protector of mine be devoid of energy and pep, to start talking about 'the end game', to physically see the effects of the cancer fight going on in his body - it's painful. Just so painful.

But here we are. Soaking up time with him as we soak up sun in Florida. I just can't help wondering if we will be here next February. You see, we have a standing reservation in February down here. We're just expected to be here. And dad, I can't let you off the hook. I expect you to be here next year. I just don't know how realistic that is. I can tell you one thing. If you aren't, I don't know if I will be. This place will never be the same. It will never have the same appeal. It won't hold the same specialness that is does now. My haven. The place I go in my thoughts when I can't sleep. The place I run to when I am facing an anxiety attack. The place I long to be when life gets whacky. I hold onto the last 20 years of this time here with iron clenched fists. I will never let it go.

Traditional Pool Nap

Learning How to Use Suntan Lotion

Lunar Eclipse of Foo's Brain

2008-02-21T07:09:00.002-08:00

Did you see what happened last night? Was it warm enough where you were to go outside and observe?

At 8:24 p.m., on our way home from a succulent meal of all-you-can eat Alaskan King crab, we decided that we were going to explain to the kids what was happening. It was a little cloudy but we could see the moon from the car. I asked the kids to look out the window at the moon.

Jake: Yeah, I see it.

Olivia:I see it too Momma.

Gabi:I don't see it.

Momma:Well, go over to Olivia's side of the car so you can see it too.

Gabi:All I see is cheese.

Sometimes I wonder if the Earth is coming between the moon and the sun in Foo's brain.

A Night With the Stars

2008-02-17T18:12:00.004-08:00

So, I see I haven't posted for a while. My, my. I wonder where I've been.

Basically, I'm glad January is over. With my hubby in captain training for the 737, I was left alone, except for weekends, for the entire month. And let me tell you, I didn't get a break either. I was praying for peace and quiet and I got quite the opposite. I'm just going to end at that. When he did come home at the end of the month, I slept for 13 hours and then went back to bed for another 2 and believe it or not, I slept fine that night too. I was tired folks, just plain tuckered. I had spent every last bit of my energy surviving the month. Besides the birth of my newest neice, there is nothing good to say about that month.

So here we are now, a new month, a new job and paycheck and now a chance to unwind to be able to refocus. We are here in Florida, enjoying the time together and soaking in the rays. We went out to dinner a few nights ago, a place that had live entertainment. We had been to that place in the past and the girls were well aware of how the performer would be that night - Elvis. No, not the real Elvis, but he sure did a good job. The girls had a great time and even got out on the dance floor. It was just adorable!

Proud Momma

2008-01-12T17:55:00.000-08:00

I have to share with you Olivia's gymnastics routines today. The gym was so small and we were so close to the beam and floor that I got some great video of her today. She really had a great meet and looked oh so sparkly! Here is her beam routine:

She got an 8.275 on that one. I was proud of her that she stuck all her moves and landed her dismount. She has had issues with it in practice and gets it only 50% of the time. As you can she, was happy with her performance too. Now, here is her floor routine. She got a 9.1, the highest score on her team!!! She ended up placing on floor (7th) and bars (6th) and all-around (6th), the team placed 3rd!

A BOY After My Own Heart

2008-01-06T17:50:00.000-08:00

A few months ago, I posted an entry about my daughter and her new found skill, talent and love for gymnastics. As we all know, I was a gymnast when I was younger(and still am). I am so proud of my daughter for all her hard work and even prouder that she has taken an interest in a sport that I can relate to her.

This past week, we introduced our oldest kids to the sport of skiing. One of the ski centers in the area was running an unbeatable deal - $10 for a 1 hr lesson, ski rental and unlimited use of the school slopes. I couldn't resist having Jake and Olivia try it out - unfortunately, Gabi was just too young but enjoyed watching the other two and even more, having mommy and daddy to herself. What surprised me was that my sometimes hesitant son took to the sport immediately and insisted as soon as his lesson was done and he had mastered the first school slope, that we move to the next level. During their lesson, they used a tow to get up the very small hill. This is just a rope and pully system that you grab hold of and it takes you very slowly up the hill. When we got to the advanced school slope, it had a chair lift and a much larger hill. My daughter got half way down the slope, fell and lost her ski. Because she doesn't weigh much and the hill was a little icy, she had problems getting it back on herself. Of course, she was barely half way down the hill. Daddy to the rescue!!!! But Jake, I was having flashbacks of my ski days in high school - straight down was his way, straight down!! I was SO proud!

The downfall - now they are in love with skiing and want to go back. Doesn't surprise me that they would choose such an expensive sport! I guess it's time to look for used skis on craigslist!

My lifelong friend and me attempting an expert slope

Blue Mountain Ski Area

Happy 2008!

2008-01-04T08:16:00.000-08:00

What a fun night! My dad and his wife, Tom's aunt and uncle from Indiana and his uncle from PA joined us on a fun filled evening. We went to First Night in Bethlehem and enjoyed a night of ice skating, browsing a speciality Christmas bazaar, riding a trolly, watching ice sculpting, enjoying Tom skating for the first time in a long time, roasting Peep marshamallows to make smores, fireworks and the best part - watching the Peep fall at midnight!! Even the kids made it through the night! I had to wake my dad up at five till midnight as he was enjoying one of his daily naps inside a warm, toasty building! It was great to share that night with family and hope to do it all again next year! Hope yours was a blast too!!

The yellow glowing ball at the left is the Peep waiting to fall

Meter-O-Love

2007-12-25T09:37:00.001-08:00

I'll admit it. I didn't send a bunch of Christmas cards out this year. I just didn't feel like it and I didn't feel like spending the money on stamps. I didn't do a Christmas picture of us either for the same reasons - except the stamp thing. I would say that it isn't because I wasn't in the spirit of Christmas or was being a scrooge. I wanted to focus my energy's on things that I thought were more important -and at this point in my life, I am finding myself embracing those moments when I have nothing to do and doing just that.

But as the Christmas cards started coming in from friends and family, I started to feel a little guilty that those that had thought of us were going to be ignored by us this holiday season. So, I pulled out some Christmas cards I had stashed away and started filling them out. I sent to those who had sent to us. I also added on a few that I wanted to know that we were thinking about them. I always place my cards on the door to our study. I guess you could say I use it as a meter of how many people are thinking about us and care about us.

What do you think, are we loved enough?

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

. . . Til the Cows Come Home

2007-11-30T07:38:00.000-08:00

Oh, what a night.

It would have to go under one of the best birthday celebrations yet. We enjoyed great company, great shopping, fabulous food and lots and lots of laughs. Every so often, having one of these nights is food for the soul!

Happy Birthday Kim! I hope you had a great night!

Roasted

2007-11-23T16:30:00.000-08:00

Oh my goodness, that hurts so bad. I can't believe I was so stupid. I think I'm going to need some ice. I don't think I'm going to be able to wear shoes, maybe flip flops, but no shoes.

A few days pass.

It still hurts. And it looks worse. Nice shades of purple and yellow. Maybe it's broken, someone says. Huh, I think to myself, maybe it is.

The next day.

The doctor declares, after an x-ray, that it's not broken. Relief passes over me.

3 weeks pass

Still hurts. Still hurts to wear shoes. Hurts when I bang it on anything. No purple colors anymore. The yellow is all gone. But it still hurts.

You ask what I did? You are not going to believe it. Like I said, it sounds so stupid.

I dropped a frozen roast on it.

See, I said it was stupid.

Stuffed

2007-11-22T19:13:00.000-08:00

Another piece of ham? How about some turkey? Can I have the skin? Are those brussel sprouts done? Did anyone make pearl onions - those are my favorite? Is there salsa sour cream in the potatoes? Where are the children? Is it time to eat? Who set the table? I don't have a fork. Is it time to eat? Boys, settle down. Can I have some skin? Don't snitch that. Is the turkey cut? Can you get a fork for the ham? Where's mom? Is it time to eat? Where's mom? Who's snoring? Is it granny? Where are the girls? Who went outside? Can you close the window, I'm cold! It's too hot in here. Where's mom?

What can I say, it's Thanksgiving Day at my house!!

2 Pirates & A Princess

2007-10-31T21:10:00.000-07:00

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

Nothin' Like the First Time

2007-10-27T19:42:00.000-07:00

They came, they fought, they conquered. What a way to start a gymnastics meet season by winning first place as a team. I really don't need to post much. The pictures show it all. Olivia scored a 9.5 on vault and won second place for her age division. She scored high enough on floor exercise to also earn a second place medal. Her other events, bars and beam, she scored well enough to medal.Her all-around score (which is taken by adding up all 4 events) was high enough to put her in second place. Check out the standings for the Tricks & Treats Invitational. Her scores would be at Level 4, ages 8 and up. Her gym is the Lehigh Valley SA (Sports Academy).

Bar Routine

Waiting to Salute the Judges

Team Spirit

Trade Off

2007-10-21T19:51:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to you,

Happy Birthday my sweet Princess,

Happy Birthday to you!

It was brought to my attention by my now 8 year old daughter that she didn't think she needed a carseat anymore. The law in Pennsylvania is 8 years OR 80 pounds. Well, my daughter will probably be 80 pounds when she is 15! So, we compromised and I let her take the back off of her carseat and put it away to only be used on long trips (so she can rest her delicate head and sleep if she desires).

My kids are growing up. I miss having a baby around the house and a toddler to care for every day. I've traded all the dependence of babies and toddlers for independent school age kids. When I was growing up and dreaming about being a mom and having babies, I always imagined them as babies and toddlers. I would never imagine what life would be like once they were out of that stage. I guess I was afraid of what they would become or even that once they passed that toddler stage that life would be boring and uneventful. But just as much as I loved watching them learn to discover things in those first few years of life, I find this stage more meaningful as I can share and teach them based on my own experiences as a child. I can correct the things that were done to me as a child or the places that I thought my parents lacked in. I love relating to my kids at this level to say to them, 'yeah, my mom did that to me too!', or 'don't worry, I was the same way when I was little.' And just as much as I loved the look in my baby's eyes when they learned to roll over or walk, I love the look in my kids eyes when they realize they each have little traits of their parents.

My message to mom's of babies and toddlers - enjoy where you are today because soon, in the blink of an eye it seems, they will be school aged and have a whole new bag or worries and excitements! Enjoy being a mom!

Pinata Time

Birthday Gifts
The Birthday Girls in Their Tea Hats

I Wouldn't Dare Me

2007-09-28T18:31:00.000-07:00

We recently had a huge party for my Granny's 90th birthday. Lots of family came in and we got to spend time with cousin Lexi and the IL cousins. It was a very elegant shindig. My Granny invited 150 people or so and most of them showed up. I was in charge of making the cake for the party so I needed to go with something big to accommodate all those people. I chose a 3 tiered number with picture rings between each tier and a flowing fountain under the tiers. The cake table included lots of pictures of my Granny's life that all the family brought in. The fountain was surrounded by fresh flowers and the topper for the cake was a gorgeous bouquet of flowers. On each tier of the cake was written words that embodied who my Granny is. My sisters and I sat down before the party began and came up with words that we thought really described Granny. I knew that this was going to be part of the cake decorating way before the big day arrived. I spoke to my mom and sisters weeks before and asked them to start thinking about words that I might use on the cake. My sisters and I definitely all agreed on one certain word that we felt summed up Granny. My mother most whole heartedly disagreed with this word. I don't know, maybe she thought it was crass or something but for those grandchildren and great-grandchildren who know her, they know that this is a word she uses often.

So when the day came and we sisters were all sitting around discussing the words to put on the cake, this forbidden word came up again. Just about that time, my mother passed by us. We all looked at her, my sisters sitting in various places, me sitting at the table, cake in one hand, icing in the other and she just gave us that look that said, "Don't you dare!" We all knew full well what she was talking about. She didn't want that word ANYWHERE on the cake. Not only had she scolded me verbally weeks before about this word, here she was scolding me with her looks.

Well, I just have to tell you, those looks just didn't stop me. I did it anyway. That word made it's way onto the cake, despite mom's scolding and disapproval. I guess the greatest thing is, nobody knew but us.

Hint: The 'bad' word isn't 'sincere'. And only those that know us understand the significance of the 'bad' word.

Happy 6th Birthday to Foo

2007-09-14T18:17:00.000-07:00

Seriously postdated

Happy Birthday to Foo

Happy Birthday dear my Fiddley Foo

Happy Birthday to you!!!

Breakfast in Bed (with her rubber Llama)

Her Party

My table exploding with tulle ballet skirts

The girls are adding sequins and flowers to them

Bouncy Bounce

2007-09-06T19:06:00.000-07:00

It just so happened to be the day to start putting our summer away and start thinking about fall. My project for the afternoon was to deflate the kids little blow up pool that has the blow up slide going into it. I did my part and deflated the pool and asked the kids to help deflate the slide part. Well, they did this instead.

Back 2 School

2007-08-27T06:26:00.000-07:00

It's that time again. My children are chomping at the bit to get back to school. What is wrong with them?? Don't they realize that is a 5 day a week ritual of getting up at 7:30 a.m., getting dressed, making their beds, getting to the breakfast table and actually FINISHING their breakfast (Gabi) before school starts and then having their butts in their seats by 8:30 a.m. Don't they realize that mommy has to have her butt out of bed before them and have herself dressed and ready and maybe, just maybe enjoy a little peace and quiet before awakening the chaos for the day.

I guess these things just don't cross their mind. They are eager to learn and I don't want to squash that desire in them. We had a fabulous year last year with minimal speed bumps. I am holding my breath and hoping we are blessed with the same kind of smoothness.

So, without much further ado, here are the kids on their first day of school.

Jake - 5th Grade

Olivia - 3rd Grade

Gabrielle - 1st Grade

MNO

2007-08-24T02:25:00.000-07:00

Beep

I'm sorry but Jenn is not home right now. Didn't you know, it's MNO. Oh, you don't know what that is. That's meetup.com speak for Mom's Night Out.

Where did she go?

driving

experiencing the 'other' side of going to a bar

drinking

screaming

laughing

lounging on the comfy brown couch with her feet propped up wishing the guy with the "stop staring at me and picturing me naked" t-shirt would bring another round of shots

sharing how we met our husbands

singing at the top of her lungs

watching her very good friends dance and try to get her on the dance floor

being a back seat passenger in the back of a convertible with the top down

rising to her knees in that convertible and reaching her hands to the sky exposing that adorable navel ring to the world and yelling at the top of her lungs every time a fellow car drove by

Funny how reality can bite you in the butt sometime. It's just better to accept it and move on. To many times people cry wolf and don't realize that someday, maybe someday, you might push the people you love so far away that they never come back.

will I regret this in the morning

oh yeah, it's already morning

i don't think so

Blast From the Past

2007-08-22T01:13:00.000-07:00

Anybody know who this is??

It's the same boy wrapped in my arms in this picture.

And if I could find my older photo albums, that boy would be a baby that I'm holding in my arms. I've known this kid since he was in his momma's tummy. He's now graduated from high school and onto bigger and brighter things.

Sometimes certain things come along that just put everything into perspective.

BTW - the time stamp on this post is correct.

Don't Do It

2007-08-15T19:03:00.000-07:00

I said I wasn't going to do it. I guess on one level I said that because I felt it wasn't necessary. But as the day has drawn closer and the hands of time have moved forward faster, I just can't seem to help myself. I could even add that it was prompted by my son. And now that I think about it, I was planning on letting it go until he said something. I blame the boy.

He came up to me several weeks ago and said, "Mommy (my 10 year old still calls me mommy), what are we doing for our 2 year anniversary? Can we go out to dinner like we did last year?"

If you don't remember my posts last year at this time, it might interest you to read into the archives of August 2006 and if you really want to torture yourself with more reading, go to the archives from August 2005. Last year I posted every day of the anniversary of our move and titled them "Reflections". Really, I intended on letting this go but as these days have now come upon me, I find myself drawing on my past. Not to relive it because that is really painful but I think just to sort of test myself. My sister and I have this ritual when we deal with something painful. If it hurts to much, we take the issue and mentally envision putting it in a box, taping it up and storing it in the closets of our mind. Then, every once and a while, we envision taking that box down from the shelf, opening it up and seeing if it still hurts. If it does, we tape it up and put it back. We've had so much hurt to deal with in our lives, that we have put lots of boxes in that closet. I'm not saying that we don't take the time to deal with issues, that can be destructive and lead to years of bitterness, I'm saying that sometimes it hurts so much that we can't deal with it at present. And that's were I find myself with this issue.

Reliving all the pain and anguish of that time still hurts to much. I'm keeping that taped up in its box. What I want to focus on this year, as we have now lived in the great state of PencilTuckey for 2 years, is what I have gained and even lost because of this move. It's almost like there was a big trade off moving here. When we were in OH, we had no family around and no family to consider in our day to day lives. We also, after 10 years of being there, found ourselves with a small circle of friends that we interacted with mostly on a monthly basis. Our trade - here we have family all around us and constantly have to consider family in our day to day lives but we have a very diverse circle of friends who we interact with on a daily/weekly basis. We are busier here because of the friends we have made and the fact that we jumped feet first into an array of activities for ourselves and our kids. EXAMPLE-Olivia's social calendar this past weekend. Friday she had gym from 9-12. After gym she begged me to have one of her teammates over to play. We weren't doing anything so I agreed that she could come over. Come evening time I told them that we needed to decide whether her friend wanted to spend the nite or wanted me to take her home. She decided she wanted to stay, which was fine with both parental units. Come bedtime, the little girl got upset and wanted to come home. After speaking to her mom, we both decided that that would be best. We made arrangements to meet halfway. I took Olivia with me and when we met the girls mom, the mom asked Olivia if she wanted to stay over at her house. Olivia was dressed in a robe, pj's and flip flops and asked me if I could just go home to get her Princy doll and her blanket so she could sleep over. I told her it was way to late, 11pm by then, and that she could either come home or go to her friends house without it. She decided to go anyway. Well, I didn't see my daughter until Sunday morning. She not only stayed over Friday but Saturday too. She would have stayed most of the day Sunday if it weren't for the fact that her social calendar was already full for Sunday afternoon because she had another gym friend coming over after church to spend the nite. Come Monday, my little social butterfly was certainly exhausted. That kind of stuff just never happened in Cleveland. The kids had never been to a friends house to sleep over, there were never friends knocking on our door to play, we rarely had friends calling for the kids to play at their house and we never had neighbor kids and all the issues that entails.

And it's just not the kids, it's me too. I have more friends that I would not have a problem calling in the middle of the nite than I did in OH. In fact, I can only think of one person I would have felt comfortable bothering in an emergency and that person was still kind of iffy because of how far away she lived from us. But here, oh my, I could name a handful right off the top of my head. That also includes the hubby's uncle who has become a big part of our lives. I have so many friends from different parts of my world. There are those that we have met through Jake's sports. There are those that I have met through my work. There are those that I have met through Olivia's gymnastics. There are those that I have met and continue to meet through the kids homeschool group. Now that we have switched churches, that's another group of people that I really want to know. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I locked myself in a room and never went out when I was in OH. We were just as involved and our kids were just as involved. But here it's something different. Almost like a blessing for following our irrational calling to pick up from a place we had called home for 10 years and move to a place we never wanted to be. I'm glad to be at the place in my life that I am at. It's hard to believe that it has been two years since we started this new chapter in our lives. It seems like yesterday and when I take that box down from the shelf it feels like it was yesterday. Yep, still hurts, tape it up and put it back. But I must say that the pain is different. The pain is only a memory of what it felt like to be ripped from all I knew and thrown into a place I didn't want to be. To have the feeling of being disconnected from everything and not belonging anywhere. I don't feel that way anymore. I can honestly say that I feel connected here and definitely belong in this place. That box in the closet is distant memories of pain not the present place that I am at. Next year, when I take that box out of the closet, I hope I can take those distant painful memories and say, "Yep, that part of my life really hurt. I've moved beyond that now and can now let it go for good." I'm almost at that point now but just not quite.

What She Said

2007-07-31T13:35:00.000-07:00

I don't think I could have summed it up better or said it better than my sister. I've wanted to post for weeks and just haven't found the time or the right words to say. I've started so many posts and started with so many angles. Do I really want to divulge my honest opinion of how I felt during CampG? Do I discuss with you the undertones that occured that only certain people picked up on? Should I mention the destructive conversations that went on behind closed doors without my knowledge?

I choose not to.

I choose to just link to my sister Lizzie's blog and have you read her post "Summer Vacation Take 3" to view all the pictures of our week together and to read about all the great things we did. And while you're at it, scroll up a post and listen to Rascall Flatt's song "Stand" while you're reading. You might want to take a minute to read the lyrics as you're listening because they mean alot to our family.

We came together for the 7 cousins to be together, for my mom to have her week being the Camp Director. And despite all the drama that happened beforehand, the three of us survived that week. We tried to put our differences aside, dodged oncoming daggers and came together for our kids.

That's all that matters.

Tooth Fairy Strikes Again

2007-07-19T17:26:00.000-07:00

What can I say? I must have the touch.

Alyssa becomes toothless

That's number three for me. Anybody else?? Madelyn, your next!!!

Double Duty

2007-07-17T20:34:00.000-07:00

It seemed like a regular day.

Sunday is church. Getting myself and 3 kids up to get there on time is always a chore. But this Sunday I had to get 6 kids up and out - that was a feat. But we made it and all 6 sat as still as church mice during the service. We took up an entire pew and placed adults strategically between the most disruptive children to ensure a peaceful worship service. After church, we got home, ate lunch and everybody just chilled for the afternoon. Before I knew it, dinner time came (pork roast on the grill and fresh corn from a roadside stand)and that was when this ordinary day turned into something special.

My older daughter announced that her tooth was loose. I did a tooth check and sure enough it was pretty loose. After we finished dinner, my sister, my cousin and I went out on the swingset to enjoy the cooling evening. Olivia came up to me to check her tooth out again and my innocent tooth check turned into a tooth removal. POP. Out it went! This is her third but her excitement was still new.

Within a few minutes of spreading the news, my youngest daughter came up to claim that she had a 'wiggly tooth'. My tooth check proved that she did and actually, it was pretty loose. That evening happened to also be a family party for my now 10 year old son. After the cake was served and the presents opened, Gabi announced again that she wanted me to do a tooth check. To my surprise it was much wigglier. Since we were leaving within the hour for a trip to NY, and I already had to play "tooth fairy" to one child while traveling, I was hoping this wiggly tooth would hold off until we got home. But my baby Foo insisted that she wanted her tooth out. I had bought 2 little Tooth Fairy bags at a boutique to hold teeth for the Tooth Fairy and up until this moment had only needed one. So I told Gabi that I had a special bag for her tooth to go in and went downstairs to get it. When I showed it to her she said, "Let's bring it to NY just in case my tooth comes out when I'm there." "No," I said, "the bag only goes with a tooth in it." Well, let me tell you that those were the right words to say to that little girl. She took me into the study, away from all the people in our house, and had me do some really strong pulls on that little tooth. After a few tears, she sucked up the pain and told me to just do it. I obeyed and pulled just enough so it was literally hanging there and she was able to do it herself.

Now my little baby doesn't look like a little baby anymore and my princess is just simply toothless! The sorrows and joys of parenthood.

Little Tooth Hangs On

Little Tooth Lost the Battle

Double Duty

Gabi Pulls out her Little Tooth

Pig Pieces

2007-07-11T21:15:00.000-07:00

My nephew has come to stay with me for a few weeks in July since he was 4 years old. This summer he will be 13. Last summer was the first time we missed out on his visit because their family was going through a major move and we thought it best that he spend as much time in his old home as possible. There are things that we do every summer with him and have established many traditions. Since we moved and this is his first time spending time in our new home, most of the old traditions of Ohio have gone away. But there is one thing that has stayed the same. Pig pieces. To those who aren't familiar with this delicacy, you probably know them better as ribs. Tonite was Pig Pieces night.

Alyssa Loves Pig Pieces

Before dinner was served tonite, the kids all heard the very familiar tunes of the ice cream truck coming. They were all in the basement playing and all it took was one kid hearing that tune to alert the others of the trucks arrival. I too heard the truck and rushed from folding my laundry to flag her down - even in the pouring rain. The poor ice cream truck girl didn't think she'd get any business but when my flock of kids ran out after her, barefoot and umbrellas in hand, we made her day. (I apologize for the last part of the video where it is sideways, my video lady is a little crazy!)

Best Friends

Mutt and Jeff

Crazy Boys

As you can see, Anthony is much taller than his cousin. And yes, Jacob's hair is done up in a mohawk!! Both were posing as if going to jail for a line up! Don't look they look mean??

Happy 4th

2007-07-05T12:11:00.001-07:00

Our Fourth just about got rained out but we still made the best of it and really tried to stick it out despite the bad weather. The vote was 10 to 4 in favor of staying at the celebration at Baker Park in Frederick. The guys went back to the car to get the blankets and tarps, the girls stayed and let the kids play at the park. By the time the guys got back, we got hammered again and the 4 people who had lost the original vote were now elated because we were going home. Oh, well, at least we had a huge bag of sparklers, poppers and other lightable paraphernalia to do at home.

The Cousins

The Girl Cousins

My Day Planner Says . . .

2007-06-25T07:48:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I'm already saying this.

SLOW DOWN!

Why is it that summer has to go so fast? I'm in shock that the month of June is almost over. Our July month is usually so busy and come August and the start of football practice every day, that will fly by too.

So, what have I been up to?

Let me try and recap.{I even have to look at my day planner to actually see what I have done.} Oh, yeah, now I remember.

I feel like I have to pay homage first to Olivia's last gymnastic meet as a pre-team girl. It was on the same day as our New York trip. She really did a fabulous job and attacked her meet with such poise and grace, just like my princess is.

My day planner tells me that the next few weeks were spent running to the gym 3 times a week, baseball practices, baseball games several times a week, teeball practices, teeball games, working at Gymboree and finally to a fast 24 hour trip to Seattle. The Seattle trip was definitely the highlight of my June. It was great to spend 5 hours on an airplane just sitting. We had a wonderful time in Seattle and even better was that I got to see my lifelong friend/sister and spend some time with her and her little peanut.

The kids had to get up at 4:30 a.m. and I insisted that they take a nap on the plane. Of course, if you thought that we could take a 24 hour trip without any drama, you're sadly mistaken. Before we left the house at 5 a.m., Olivia started coughing and looked really beat. I didn't think anything of it considering it was so early, I just figured she was exhausted. That little cough turned into a full blown cold and let me tell you, it couldn't have come at a worse time. We had to buy her medicine at the airport and because it made her so sleepy, as soon as the meal was served on the plane, my little princess fell alseep. Believe it or not, Little Foo slept too, for almost 2 hours. That made the plane ride go much smoother for me! And Jake, well, let's just say, he refused a nap and boy did he pay for it later. As soon as our plane hit the ground in Seattle, we were off and running and didn't stop until 8 p.m. PST (do the math, that's 11 pm EST). Poor Olivia was exhausted and coughed out, Jake really regretted not taking a nap on the plane and believe it or not, Gabi was the best behaved that day because of her really long nap. This all leads up to why I am telling this little story because of the picture underneath. This is Jake, so exhausted from being dragged around Seattle, that he pulled some pillows that were for sale off of the rack at Nordstrom Rack and laid down!

The kids at Pike Place Market, riding a golden pig and wearing their new aprons

As soon as I got back, at 3 a.m. on a Wednesday, Jake had an appointment with his homeschool evaluator late that afternoon. Before we even left for Seattle, I had to have that major project finished. My day planner tells me that that took up a lot of my time in the weeks before our trip. That next weekend we went to spend Father's Day with my dad and then went to see a concert at Wolf Trap National Park for the Performing Arts in Vienna, VA. We had a lovely time and it was neat to see the kids soaking in the culture. From there we went to see my mom to spend some time with her for her birthday. Unfortunately, our visit was cut short because we had to get back home for Jake's championship baseball practice. Lucky for me, I didn't need to be home for the practice just for the all important game the next day for my son. So, I got to stay for an extra day and go galavanting with my mom. That was very enjoyable and we took every imagineable opportunity available to us and shopped, shopped, shopped as well as had a little duck at Duck Chang's to keep us nourished.

According to my day planner, ever since Jake lost his championship game last Wednesday, my schedule simply holds being at the gym 4 times a week now. Olivia has graduated to a competition level and according to her team handbook, missing practices is a big no-no. She has one girl in her class that will be taking the month of July off and has hired their coach to privately tutor her so she doesn't fall behind. Having her at practice 4 times a week is a big committment for us considering how much we like to travel. But, we'll do our best.

So, my day planner, what does the future hold?? Besides being at the gym 4 times a week, I think I'm going to schedule into my summer the opportunity to just sit, sit on the front porch and watch life go by, sit on the deck and watch the sun set, sit on the swingset with my kids and watch them be kids, try to stop sitting so much at my computer. Get out and enjoy this time because, according to my day planner, it is going to be over so soon.

Grow Up

2007-06-05T23:18:00.000-07:00

The price of maturity.

My husband and I have talked about that issue so many times in our almost 13 years of marriage. Sometimes it's good to be an adult. And sometimes it just plain stinks. Sometimes we relish in the ability to be grown up and other times, we are forced to make decisions that hurt the ones we love. Sometimes setting boundaries and lowering expectations in a relationship can on one end of the spectrum push away the ones we love and on the other end enhance the quality of that relationship.

We often look back at our relationship and decisions that were made in our early years of marriage and we cringe. We cringe at how immature and stupid we were. And I'm sure that a decade from now we'll cringe at our decisions and how we handle relationships now. But for the mean time, we are learning from our mistakes and trying to steer our life and relationships to a place that is harmonious.

My sister and her husband, my family and I recently returned from a trip to visit family members in NY. It was for a very important 100th birthday party for my dad's aunt (which is my great aunt and my kid's great great aunt). This fantastic lady is basically my dad's mother figure since his mom passed when he was very young. I don't see this side of the family often and this celebration gave me the opportunity to make an attempt to reconnect. It still took me a little bit to try and remember all the names of the people present and how they were related to me. My oldest daughter was surprised that her Pop Pop (my dad) even had a sister and that she actually had "big" cousins. Her interest in getting to know these people and the reciprocated interest that her "big" cousins, aunts and uncles took in getting to know her (and her brother and sister) made me realize that I needed to pay more attention to cultivating a relationship with this side of the family.

And that, my friends, is where the theme of this post come in.

Any chance at being close with this side of the family was taken away when my parents divorced. I grew up differently then my cousins. Besides the fact that my parents were divorced, our parents held different norms and values. And because of that, we formed different opinions, mentalities, and ways of thinking. In order to cultivate this relationship, I have to maintain a mature attitude, to sort of grow up in a way. I have to move beyond the differences, not necessarily agreeing to disagree but realizing that not everyone has to be like me. And that's okay. I'm a big girl now.

Generations

Sisters

Uncles and Cousins

Princess Grad

2007-05-20T23:04:00.000-07:00

Our homeschool group recently had a graduation ceremony for the Kindergarten, 8th and 12th grade classes. Gabi was our first to actually have a graduation ceremony. It was a neat experience to see that as our kids get older, this age old tradition of graduations will be carried out even though they aren't in the school system. For the senior class, they showed a slide show and had the parents come up with the child as they received their graduation certificate. My little "Princess Grad" had a few things to say too.

Our homeschool leader, kindly asked Gabi what her tiara said. Apparently, she had forgotten and had to remove it to see! And as you can tell, she made the entire audience laugh!! What a nut!

She also asked her what her favorite homeschool memory was, to which she responded, "Going to see Pioneer Tunnel." And then, "What was your favorite SELAH {our homeschool group} memory?", to which she responded, "Making the food!" {in kitchen chemistry class}. And her last big question, "What is your favorite thing to do?", and her reply, "Playing babies with my sister Livvy!"

Well, you might not be a public speaker but you might one day learn to make people laugh and do stand up comedy!

Congratulations my Little Foo! You did it! You've survived your first real year of homeschooling and your off to first grade! YIPPEE!

My Little Princess Grad

New Addiction

2007-05-17T19:07:00.000-07:00

I have a new addiction and I'm not afraid to admit it. For years, I have been addicted to clothes from Gymboree for my kids. I specifically like their clothes for girls and all the matching accessories they have. Since the girls are getting older, I have found it harder to even branch out into another clothier for them because of the mainstream fashions. If you haven't noticed, our young girls are looking more and more like miniature runway divas. Hello, doesn't anybody stop to think about how those scantily clad 7, 8, 9 year old girls will want to dress when they are say . . . 15 and their bodies have now passed puberty and they are considered young ladies. Why would they want to change their ways of wearing mini skirts, sweatpants with words across their behinds, crop tops, high heels and off the shoulder shirts?? I'm sorry but I don't want my girls looking like that now OR when they are teenagers. I like them looking like little girls.

So, a friend of mine at work told me about a company that I had heard about but never thought I could afford. And since the company was all on the West Coast and in South Africa, I had never been in one of their stores. Well, hold on to your credit cards ladies, because not only is this store affordable but they have the cutest darn things for girls (and boys too). The store is called Naartjie. Now their website is very hard to use and it seems that most of the time, the size that you want is not in stock. But never fear, I've already spent enough time finding a way around that silly website and now passing my knowledge onto you. The best way to get what you want from Naartjie is to pick a store from their store locations list, any store, pick one that sounds nice to you. Click on their email address and compose a list of the things you want, including the SKU number, size and color. Send that email to that store. If that store doesn't have what you want, guess what, they'll find a store in their system that does. THEY'LL do all the donkey work of finding your list and then take care of getting it all sent to you under one shipping charge. Now, how nice is that! Talk about customer service! So, are you curious now?? Wanna see what Naartjie is all about. I took a photo shoot of the girls tonite in one of their outfits. Take a look!

So, what do you think??

P.S. I use the Glendale, CA store at the Glendale Galleria. They are very customer friendly and do a great job finding my endless list of matching Naartjie outfits for the girls!

Permission Slip

2007-05-14T10:23:00.000-07:00

My sister and I were just discussing an adage and trying to figure it out. I even Googled it because I was sure there was another part to it but I was disappointed to find out that there wasn't. The adage is:

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

I was positive that there was a part about being fooled three times. So, I'll just stick to my Three strikes, you're out! adage. I use that adage mostly with disciplining my kids - I'll tell them once to quit a certain behavior, I'll tell them again what's going to happen if they don't listen to me and then I'll follow through with that consequence. I'm pretty good about follow through and find that has made such a difference in their behavior.

I guess I've never really thought about the need to extend the adage that I have adopted to other aspects and people in my life. Just as my sister feels she's the "Resident Doormat", you could probably call me the "Resident Scapegoat". I am usually put into that role only with my family. Whenever anything goes wrong, somehow, it's always my fault. Even when the situation doesn't even involve me, somehow, somewhere, it's my fault. A subtitle that falls under the "Resident Scapegoat" title is the "Resident Advocate". In our family unit, I think each of us at times plays this role. And I think it can be a good thing to sometimes offer another point of view if you have an issue with another. But at the present time, that subtitle is biting me in the butt.

So, here is what I have to say to that.

I hereby give myself permission to no longer be the 'Resident Scapegoat' for my family. I am adult enough to admit when I have wronged someone. I am mature enough to say 'I'm sorry' to that person - even though it might take me a while to collect my feelings and get my emotions under control. When it actually IS my fault, I'm mature enough to recognize it and proceed accordingly.

And as far as my role of being an advocate, I also hereby give myself permission to no longer take on that responsibility. I feel I need to do that because, One, Two, Three times I've been screwed and you know what,

YOU'RE OUT!!!!!

5 Minute Management Course

2007-05-10T14:45:00.000-07:00

I've been meaning to post this and I'm tired of it sitting in my inbox so I'm going to do it now. This was an email sent to me by a friend.

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel. "

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"

"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.

"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story :

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak"

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.

It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."

Puff! She's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."

Puff! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4:

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"

The eagle answered: "Sure , why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5:

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:

BullShit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson 6:

A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:

(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

THIS ENDS THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

Toofless Again

2007-05-04T23:00:00.000-07:00

It all started out as a regular day. Dh (short for darling husband) was home teaching school and what would I do with my free morning?? He had to go to work this afternoon and I really didn't have much to do except make myself stay in bed and wonder if there was anything I REALLY needed to do. As I sat there, I remembered that I wanted to call the dentist about Olivia. She has had a loose tooth for a while and about a week ago I noticed that her gum was swollen. Not the gum directly around her tooth but starting at the roof of her upper lip extending almost to the tooth line. She has employed me to wiggle her tooth every nite in an attempt to make it come out faster - I guess. The morning I noticed the swelling, I just figured that I had wiggled it to much the night before and that the swelling would go away. Much to my chagrin, the swelling stayed where it was and never went away. It even looked a little worse. I started to get concerned that it might be an abscess of some sort so I decided to give the dentist a call this morning. I actually thought that the swelling looked almost like her new tooth coming in but figured that it was way to high up in the gumline to be that. If it actually was her new tooth coming in, it was sure popping out of her mouth at a strange place!

So, that's how my day started. What was to be a relaxed morning doing things for myself and running my errands without any kids, basically turned out to be a morning with Olivia at the dentist. My suspicions were right, the swelling WAS actually her new tooth coming out. But what I hadn't prepared myself for this morning, was the fact that the dentist wanted to pull the baby tooth out since it was impeding on the new tooth coming in.

Oh, boy.

I don't know what it is with my kids and their teeth pulling antics!!

But here we go again!

My princess was a brave little trooper and I tried to help her relax by teaching her some imagery techniques. I had her close her eyes and picture the dock in Florida where she loves to sit and what the sunsets. To picture the 'coconut fish' in the water and feel the warm sunshine on her face. They gave her several shots of novicane and my princess just sat there and squeezed my hand as I gently talked to her about her favorite place in Florida. Before we knew it, that little baby tooth was out. The dentist reminded Olivia that she had a special pink phone that only dentists have to contact the tooth fairy about special feets of courage like Olivia demonstrated today. It was so amazing to watch my little girls face light up. She called her cousin tonite just to tell her all about that special pink phone.

So, her she is, toofless again.

Signs

2007-05-01T11:41:00.001-07:00

My granny is a sign reader. When I was a little girl, wherever we went, she was always reading the signs. Street signs, billboards, advertisements, street names. If there was a sign on the road, she read it. I always thought this was a really funny trait and always made fun of her. As I grew up, especially during the time that I learned to drive, I found myself doing the same thing. And the funny thing is, as I read the signs in my head, I read them in my granny's voice. I found this trait in myself very intriguing and only in the past couple of years have I been truly thankful for the influence that my granny has left on me.

You see, reading these signs has not only added information to my brain at times but also humor. There are lots of times that I will be looking for a particular store or street name and I will say to myself, "I remember reading a sign for that!" Since I have a photographic memory, I can usually also picture that sign that I had read. Many a times, that sign reading granny has saved my hide and saved me from getting lost simply because I remember reading a sign.

And, at times, my sign reading abilities has made me laugh. Remember last July when I posted about the sign (and actually took a picture of it) that said:

Drive carefully and wear clean underwear just in case.

That was a hysterical sign and had so much significance to me.

Just a few days ago when I was at a doctors appointment, I noticed a white sign amongst a newly landscaped flower garden outside the office. As usual, I stopped to read the sign and had myself a fabulous laugh for the morning. It read:

Please don't discard cigarette butts here. The squirrels come out at nite and smoke them and we are trying to get them to quit.

Now, doesn't that just make you laugh??

BTW - answering that question in the COMMENTS section of this post, is perfectly acceptable. Not answering it is failure to be banned from reading my blog. I know who you are, so you better leave your opinion.

Keeping Up With the Jones'

2007-04-10T17:25:00.000-07:00

. . . . well, not really but it could be taken that way. You see, we live in a "signature community". All the houses are brand new and most are the biggest models offered by the builders. So many of them have stone fronts, cosmetic dormers and three car garages. Both of our neighbors built in-ground pools last summer. Both also 'had to have' swingsets for their kids to play on.

And then there is our house. She has vinyl siding and just a 2 car garage, no stone front or cosmetic dormers and definitely, NO POOL. The community pool is just fine. I'll keep my backyard for playing soccer or baseball or to make huge snowmen in during the winter. So this summer, not to keep up with the Jones', but because I just wanted to do something for my kids, we bought them a swingset. Not one of those put together ones you buy at Home Depot or Wal-Mart or Sam's Club. Those you have to put together and my dh just isn't the handyman type. We bought a Rainbow Playsystems swingset instead. When I first decided I wanted to get a swingset for the kids, that name just popped up into my head. Thankfully they were having a huge sale so I was able to save a lot. It was delivered today and I think it's a hit!

Young Public Speaker

2007-03-27T21:53:00.000-07:00

The kids were given a taste of what it feels like to do a little public speaking tonite. Our homeschool group hosted a Spring Speech Nite for grades K-12. Apparently, as Jake gets older, this will be a requirement for our homeschool program. So, to start him out on the right foot and give him a non-stress environment to hone is speech skills, I entered all three of the kids in the event. Jake read an excerpt from the book Black Beauty, Olivia wrote her own story and read that. And Gabi, well, she read a little book called Cats Wear Hats. They all did very well and I was very proud of them. Here is a short clip of Olivia reading her story. BTW - the parents watching the speeches were required to positively evaluate the kids on their performance. Olivia's comments had lots to say - one even commented on how beautiful her outfit was. Should I be ashamed that Olivia looked at the girl sitting next to her and exclaimed, "You're wearing that!!" The girl must not have taken much offense to it because by the end of the evening, they were best friends. Olivia must have felt sorry for her!!

Beaming

2007-03-22T17:23:00.000-07:00

Today, Jake got his braces. I never had braces so I had no clue what it felt like. My dh (darlng husband) had braces and both my sisters had braces. They tried to explain what he would be going through and the discomfort he might feel during the procedure but mostly afterward and the days following. But me, I had no clue.

It surprised me how nervous I was before I took him to the orthodontist. My son has an issue with dealing with pain. I know I've explained before how awful it was during the times he was losing teeth and how when it got the part for them to need just a little tug it was like, well, pulling teeth to get it to come out. I had debated for weeks and dialogued with my most trusted third party, my sis, about the best course of action to take knowing his affinity to not handle pain well. It was decided it would be best to take a very relaxed attitude about the whole thing in hopes that he too would adopt that same attitude. And that is just what I did. But yesterday, the morning of our appointment, it was very hard for me to hide my concern. And what made it worse was when he walked into the study with red, swollen eyes. He had been doing his best to hide his tears but just couldn't hold it anymore. He was visibly upset and I just wanted to cry right along with him. But I didn't. I just assured him that I could go into the office with him or he could go by himself - whatever made him more comfortable. He sucked it up and decided he wanted to try it alone. And when we got to the office, I asked him one more time and he stuck to his guns and wanted to do it alone.

And he did.

And I am so proud of him. I hope this new found courage will help him get over his fear of pain as he learns to deal with it on his own and in his own way.

Yes, his braces are black and orange. He chose it to match the colors of his football team. Whatever makes him happy.

And by the way, his teeth aren't that yellowed because of lack of brushing or poor dental care. It is because of the massive antibiotic use he had when he was a baby. Those permanent teeth came out that way. When all of his teeth are in, when he's 16, they will bleach them back to white.

I Don't Wanna

2007-03-20T21:01:00.000-07:00

I'm to tired to blog.

I have lots to say but I'm to tired to say it.

I've posted tons of times in my head - does that count??

Like my new blog design?? Thanks to Steph for creating such a beautiful page!

The dh(darling husband) has been gone for a while - in the last nine days, he's been home two. No wonder I'm exhausted. Count in a major snow storm of which I had to shovel the driveway myself. No thanks to the arrogant, self-centered, uppity neighbors walking around with their snowblowers WATCHING ME struggle with my little shovel. Assholes.

I wanna say more but am afraid to fall asleep. So, off to finish watching Spiderman 2. I hope I've paused the DVR machine long enough to be able to fast forward through some of the commercials.

I leave you with a picture.

That would be Gabi and her new pet, Rody. You know, the plastic ride on llama (that's what we call it) she got for Christmas. And yes, he is wearing socks on his ears. I went to put Olivia to bed tonite and she was very proud because she had lifted the llama's socks and put them on her feet. No wonder the poor animal was yelping because his ears were cold. He sleeps with her every night and insists on having the covers. Oh yeah, the chicken too.

Sista' Tagged Me

2007-02-22T23:02:00.000-08:00

I don't get tagged often and I see it as a test to see if I'm keeping up with certain people's blogs.

Em, do I pass?

The task - coming up with 6 things that make me weird. Well Em, I agree with you, I don't think I'm weird, I think I'm pretty normal. It's the rest of you that are off your rocker.

Here we go -

1. If you tell me that we are having hot dogs and macaroni and cheese for lunch and I come to the table and you serve me chicken and macaroni and cheese, I can't eat it. You see there has already been a message sent from my brain to my stomach and there's no turning back.

2. I will only buy name brand clothes for my kids. Call me snobby, call me weird, call it a good investment for my eBay business. I just can't bring myself to walk into WalMart and buy my kids ANYTHING to wear - including underwear.

3. I'm pretty much the same way with my own clothes and shoes.

4. I love doing laundry. I always do the household laundry in a specific order. I do our laundry first, Jake's second and then the girls last. I love seeing them all cleaned and hung up neatly in the laundry room and then smelling them when I fold them to put them away.

5. I have a glass of orange juice every morning for breakfast. And most of the time, that's it. If someone makes me breakfast, I'll eat it. But not matter if I just have my orange juice or my juice and some breakfast, I am ALWAYS starving at the same time every morning. So, I see it as a waist of my time and calories to have anything but just my OJ to get my blood sugar up and running.

6. I hate sand anywhere but the bottom of my feet. Don't like it on my hands, don't like it on my legs, don't like it on my arms, don't like it on my face. And don't shake a blanket with sand on it around me. I just might have to kill you. I don't know how I've made it this far with 3 children who love to roll in the sand and then come hug me. YUCK! DON'T TOUCH ME!

Finally

2007-02-19T14:48:00.000-08:00

Finally.

The cold has finally gone up north where it belongs.

I've been to two different outlet malls.

I've been to a swamp.

I've visited the Manatee Park and actually for the first time, actually seen a manatee. They only come to the park when it is cold.

I've worn all the cold weather clothes I brought with me. And even washed them once so I could wear them again.

My kids have worn every jacket, capri, pant and even long sleeved outfits that I have brought them. And they have been washed once and then worn again.

Olivia wore her winter hat, winter jacket and spring jacket to the Edison Festival on Saturday.

But it finally came. The warmth. I'm not saying it's roasting and to native Floridians, it's cold. But we can at least go to the beach to play without wearing our winter gear. The kids have been dying to dig and construct and that's just what we gave them today. Olivia has been dying to wear some of her summer digs and break out the sandals and flip flops. I'm glad I could finally oblige her.

Happy V Day

2007-02-14T14:17:00.000-08:00

It's not snowing. There is no ice. I don't have to wear a jacket when I go outside. I don't have to climb into my car and freeze my buns off waiting for the seat warmer to kick in.

Did I say there is no snow??

We arrived safely after a 3 1/2 hr drive to my mom's on Monday (to outrun the storm) and then a 16 hour drive south on Tuesday.

Drive, I say, just drive.

And keep driving.

I watch the temperature gauge on the car go UP and not DOWN. I love that part.

And I love watching the barren, snow afflicted trees turn more tropical and gain green, green, green as we drive south, south, south.

It's good to be here.

The kids at South of the Border

The kitties on the drive down

Happy Football Day

2007-02-04T14:39:00.000-08:00

I hate football.

I've hated it forever.

I haven't even attempted to try and like it.

Before we moved, football was never on in our house nor was the word even mentioned. But when we moved here, in an effort to plug my son into his new community as soon as possible, I reluctantly relented to allowing my son to play on the local community football team.

Ever since then, it's been like opening Pandora's Box.

There is football on now almost every Sunday during the season and both my son and my husband enjoying those male bonding moments.

But I still hate it.

And today, Super Bowl Sunday, it's no exception. I have no interest in the game and could care less who wins.

The only thing that's made it more tolerable is a long standing tradition. This tradition started before Jake was even born and now that I think about it has gone on just about every year since then. Our yearly visit with "The Bears" AKA the Michael's, has made this day much easier for me. It means I can hang out with a fellow partner in crime and instead of watching the game, enjoy a day of thrift or resale shopping, eat wings and watch a chick flick. I look forward to that. I can swallow this day much easier knowing that our tradition stands year after year, game after game.

Me and Char

Little Bear and Tom

The Kids (missing Baby Foo who was napping at the time)

So, merry football and happy Super Bowl. Enjoy!

To the Children of the TV Generation

2007-01-27T06:40:00.000-08:00

I pity you. For your brains have turned to mush and your childhood imaginations buried underneath the Sponge Bob, That's So Raven, Yu-Gi-O, Pokemon collections. I feel sorry for you. Your parents took the lazy way out and instead of trying to expand your horizons and challenge your information hungry brains, they parked you in front of the TV. I wasn't one of those kids. My mother fought and fought to keep us away from the 'electronic babysitter'. And I swore when I had kids that I would let them watch whatever they wanted - within reason of course. But to my surprise, I have turned out just like my mother. When Jake was born, we had the television on all the time. That was until I noticed, when he was about 9 months of age, that he was actually watching and paying attention. I would go to pick him up and he would want to be put down to watch. It must be ingrained in kids or something. And that was it. I pressed that "off" button and in 9 years, it hasn't come back on. The kids do watch about 30 minutes of a video before bed and now that they are in school, we have chosen certain educational shows off The Discovery Channel or the History Channel pertaining to whatever they are learning. But for the most part, there is no TV on at my house. The same goes for video games and the computer. They are each allowed 30 min. on the computer. But I don't own the latest and greatest video system or have the largest TV on the block. Those things don't rate high on my priority list. What does rate high is their ability to use their brains and their imagination. Jake even knows why he has such a great imagination. He will tell me, "See what happens when kids don't sit in front of the TV, they use their imaginations."

This is their latest and greatest building toy that was a gift from their Pop Pop for Christmas. This video was made specifically for him.

The World According to Foo

2007-01-20T15:32:00.000-08:00

Setting: In the car on the way to one of my many destination spots during the week.

What was happening at the time: Jacob was asking Gabi questions from his "Brain Quest - 5th Grade Edition".

The Narrative is as follows:

Jacob: Gabi, what is the longest river in the United States?

Gabi: Texas.

The craziest things come out of my daughters mouth.

Ode to The Crazy Bow Lady

2007-01-11T16:57:00.000-08:00

Our family received some late Christmas gifts from my sister, of whom my daughter has now coined "The Crazy Bow Lady". She put an enormous amount of work into her homemade gifts and I must post about them. I must post about them because I am proud of them and to hopefully spread some more business to The Crazy Bow Lady. I also have a couple of points to make that I can only make in pictures.

So, first, we start with Jake. He really loves his plaque and has been begging me to get it up in his room.

Now, we go to Little Foo Foo. I will be returning this item to the manufacturer for longer ribbons. As you can see why!

And last is Princy. She received an adorable name plaque . .

And, as you can tell, she is in desperate need of a bow holder. HINT, HINT!

So, Crazy Bow Lady, that's my plug for your business. I will be needing a new bow for the new Tokyo Tea Garden line. I'd like my order filled by the time we go to Florida, so, can you handle it before mid February?? I also put Valentine's outfits on the girls this week and wore the adorable bows you made. Livvy kept telling everybody that The Crazy Bow Lady made them. Sorry, I didn't get any orders from that.

Long live The Crazy Bow Lady!!

DISCLAIMER: My other sister also sent homemade gifts to the girls this Christmas and she put just as much work into her gifts as my middle sister. They too have been hung up in each of the girls rooms.

Random Thoughts

2007-01-01T22:32:00.000-08:00

What a holiday it has been. Loud. Crazy. Hectic. Enjoyable. Heart warming.

My 89 yr old grandmother walks into the kitchen where we are all standing around chatting, looks at all of us, says, "MEOW!", and walks off.

I am glad the holiday is over. It is enjoyable when I am in it and I enjoy all of it but once it's over, it's over and it's time to move onto January.

My mom and granny spent this Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with us. It was definitely a treat and a new tradition. I thoroughly enjoyed the time we spent together. It's been a very long time since I woke up Christmas morning with my mommy in my house.

My little niece turned one year 2 days after Christmas. We were able to spend Christmas evening with her and then run up to New York to celebrate her first birthday. What fun that was. She is definitely a joy to watch. I made a very special cake for her which took hours of work (thank goodness my mom was here to help).

Is it okay for me to discipline my children when on errands my 89 yr old grandmother, sitting in the back seat of our van with the kids, is poking them, blowing in their faces and growling at them, just to incite a riot??

I chose not to and just laughed inside.

Did I say that I'm glad the holiday is over?

Steph, I need a new theme for my blog, something snowy and white with snowmen would be nice?

We spent our New Year's Eve at First Night in Bethlehem where instead of watching a glass ball fall like in the big city, you get to watch a giant yellow PEEP fall to the ground. Bethlehem is the home of the Just Born company that makes those lovely marshmallow treats you get at Easter. We didn't stay for the demise of the PEEP but we enjoyed the festivities that the town provided. One of them was trying out the kids new ice skates that they got from Great Uncle Jim.

Gabi gained a new friend for Christmas. It is a purple, plastic ride on toy called a Roddy. This is how I found her and her Roddy this evening -

Notice the headphones and the blanket that is pushed into the dollhouse window to keep the poor animal leashed.

So, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. May your 2007 be a new, fresh start!

All I Want for Christmas . .

2006-12-13T22:48:00.000-08:00

We recently took a trip to Florida to visit my dad. He is always instigating riots with the kids and rough housing with them. Now, I know where my son gets his talents!! On this specific trip, he was sitting on the couch with my big 9 year old son on his lap. They were tickling and punching each other and my dad bent down toward the ground with my son in his hands and dropped him. Unfortunately, my son bonked his head on the coffee table. He bonked it so hard that he ended up getting a big goose egg on the back of his head. My dad felt really bad and assisted in soothing my son and getting a bag of ice for his head.

The next night, my youngest daughter was sitting on a bar stool eating a snack at the counter. My dad, being the instigator he his, started picking on her and tickling her. My daughter being the goofy girl that she is, started wriggling and laughing her way away from him. She inadvertently knocked her nose on the counter top and she too ended up with a boo boo from my dad. Her little gash on her nose actually bled. I told my dad that he had to keep his hands to himself for the rest of the visit or my last, uninjured child could end up with Lord knows what happening to her.

When we got home from our visit, a Christmas present that my dad ordered online for us was sitting at the front door - it was a family gift of a camcorder. I was opening it up in the study in my big, black, highback chair. This is the conversation that took place:

Gabi: Momma, what's that? (she is standing next to me but where I can't see her because of the highback chair)

Momma: It's a camcorder from Pop Pop for all of us for Christmas.

Gabi: Well, it's not for me. I won't be allowed to hold it.

PAUSE
Gabi: This is all I got from Pop Pop for Christmas.

I turned around to see her pointing at her little gash on her nose. Poor baby Foo.

My Point of View (Part Deux)

2006-12-10T18:29:00.000-08:00

This is my most favorite place in the world. I could sit here for hours. Just sit. Sit and think, sit and daydream, sit and work through life's problems, sit and watch my kids romp and play in the water and sand or simply just sit. And do nothing. Clear my mind of the daily exercises. Clear my thoughts of nothing and everything. Relax my being and melt into the sand. I've sat here for years. Granted, it hasn't been as peaceful as it is today. Today, I have a 9 year old, 7 year old and 5 year old that can surely entertain themselves. Occasionally, I am asked if my feet need cleaning or am shown a sandcrab or asked to take a glance at a newly created sand castle.

I reflect on days gone by when my kids were babies. I still sat here. Then, it was with a stroller next to me and a baby inside napping, or trying to nap, or just sitting enjoying the sound of the waves. Once and a while the tide would come in and I would have to jump up and rescue the stroller from the oncoming water. There was a time when they were toddlers that I would sit here and just watch them run in and out of the surf. Then, my time here was limited. But I still took advantage of it.

My hubby likes to walk the beach. I hate it. I sit here. That's my thing. As I sit here today, my mind goes to mush. I am thankful that I took the time to take this 2 day jaunt. My hubby had a 10 day break from work and I feel like I dwindled it away and didn't take advantage of the time that I could have spent together as a family. I worked 4 days in a row (being a stay at home homeschooling mom, I usually only work 2 short evenings or mornings), then I took 2 days to go to NY to help my sister paint her first home. Add it up, that leaves 2 full days at home. The painting in NY was an absolute necessity, my sister needed me and there was no question that I needed to make time to be there. The 4 days at work I could have done without. My oldest daughter clung to my leg on day 3 and asked when I was going to stop leaving and stay home. No lie, she really said that. That comment hurt. And it was said again to me on day 4 and to my hubby when he put her to bed that nite. I belong at home with my kids and if I've ever wondered if they notice that is my role or not, it was certainly made clear with my daughters comments. So, as I made the flight home from NY after my painting excursion, I made up my mind that we were going to Florida. It would only be for a little over 2 days but we were going. To be together and just be us. No distractions. Just us. We've always found this place as a retreat and I need it more than ever right now. My life is fast paced. I have accepted that and deal with it very well on a day to day basis. But there are times when I just need to sit and be.

And today I have accomplished that.

The Annual Lighting of the Kids

2006-12-01T14:54:00.000-08:00

It probably looks strange and some odd way of torture but it is actually a tradition that we started back when Jake was a baby. Don't worry, the lights are cool so they don't burn my precious ones. What can I say, they're odd. They like this annual tradition and whenever I get the lights out, they all flock towards me and wait to be wrapped. They have to complain just a little that the lights are too hot or 'it's touching my neck'. But I wrap first and then turn them on to take the pictures.

Our season is officially kicked off.

The Christmas season has begun.

Gobble, Gobble

2006-11-28T09:19:00.000-08:00

We survived.

19 people in my mom's 1800 square foot house.

We survived.

And what fun it was. So many people, kids and cousins. It was great having that time together and getting reacquainted with family members. I especially enjoyed watching all 8 of the cousins play together, ranging in age from 12 years to 10 months. I must share some pictures as I"m sure that's what you came for.

Cousins Camille and Lexi

The Keim, Smith and Johnson Cousins

Generations

A Quiz

2006-11-16T13:53:00.000-08:00

You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners.. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what you see."

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Cruisin' Right Along

2006-11-13T21:14:00.000-08:00

Nothin much happen' here.

My life is going at it's usual high paced rate. The hubby's flying more to keep up with the mortgage and new car payment. School keeps me occupied most days when I am here alone. The kids are having a much better year than last year. I think first and foremost they are settled here and we don't here to much about Cleveland. Their teachers seem to be more relaxed and focusing on adding more 'fun' stuff like Magic School Bus videos, Amazing Race (pre-viewed of course) - it's an amazing geography lesson, Candy Store, field trips, enjoying their homeschool learning center.

Work at Gymbo is the same old political crap. I love the people that I work with and working with the customers but can't stand the politics. I've made a very good friend out of that job though and that has to be kept in mind. We are both Gymbo addicts and have the same affinity for buying boutique clothes for our kids. We are constantly finding more and more things that we have in common - shopping and thrifting being a big one.

I am constantly trying to find time to do the mundane things of running this house. I find myself exhausted by the end of the evening and all I want to do is plop myself down in front of the TV and enjoy a good movie or Discovery Health special. Sometimes I plop myself down in front of the computer and just mindlessly eBay. But I find these things rewarding for me especially after putting in a long day schooling the kids, working and squeezing in those mundane chores during that time. Evening is my time to just sit and be. Be nothing, be lazy, be silly, be quiet, be left alone. And because of that desire to be left alone and quiet, I find myself getting out of touch via phone with those that I hold dearest. I want to be left alone and not be bothered and picking up the phone and holding a conversation, I have to think. Something that I try and avoid in the evening. I have to work on that though because it really is my only time to devote 100% of my attention to that person without being interupted by the kids.

So, I'm just chugging along. Looking forward to the Thanksgiving holiday coming up. My youngest daughter is thrilled to see her cousins Steph and Steve and can't wait to meet her newest cousin Lexi. As she has put it, "I can't wait to see the babies together" (meaning her other cousin Camille). And for those of you who know my Gabi, you can say that in her Foo Foo voice. It will be a wild, crazy and LOUD time at my mom's house with the 19 people that will be attending the festivities. Yes, that's 19 people folks, it will surely make for an exciting day.

And now I leave you with some cool pictures before I bore you to death anymore.

My Princess Turns 7

2006-10-19T18:23:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to you,

Happy Birthday dear Princess Olivia,

Happy Birthday to you!!!

Stolen Corn

2006-10-16T14:20:00.000-07:00

It was a full moon. The sky was clear in the Illinois night. The stars were out and shining bright. There were 3 of us determined to get the job done. One had the clippers, one was to deliver the stalks and the eldest was to keep watch for anyone who might want to thwart our efforts. As we stole away to the fields, a sense of exhilaration swept through us all. We quickly assumed our positions and started our various jobs. Within minutes, headlights were spotted and we had to grab the eldest and pull her into the stalks to avoid being revealed. That was a close one but we were all safe. As soon as we were finished, we wrapped up our prize and the 2 youngest sprinted home to safety. The eldest sauntered along as if there was nothing to fear just being out for a walk in the clear, brisk night.

And, it made it all the way back via Honda to Pennsylvania.

And more fall fun pictures.

Greetings From the Convent

2006-10-06T11:05:00.000-07:00

So, believe it or not, I'm still alive. Most already know that but just in case you are wondering, I have made it to Illinois in one piece. It took two days to get here with my mother as my co-pilot and my 89 yr old Granny as my back seat driver. But we made it in one piece,
ignoring the fact that my mom left her purse in Cleveland, OH. We didn't notice it was gone until we were well into Indiana. Thankfully, some honest person turned it into the hotel and we will pick it up on the way home.

Are you wondering about my title to this post?? I have come out to see my sister in Odell, Illinios and yes, her home used to be a convent. It has 11 bedrooms, 4 baths, 3 floors and lots and lots of character. The picture at the top shows the gravel lot that used to be the Catholic high school connected to her house. The third floor of the house had a walkway to connect the school to the convent. You can see the discoloration in the bricks that were used to close that hole up. You can also see the I beams that were used.

The cousins have had a lot of fun together. They have enjoyed performing on the stage in the chapel,

eating meals together in the dining room,

and just hanging out being cousins,

What most don't know and I didn't even know until I got here was that this house sits on the original Route 66 from Chicago to California. And even more fun is that just a block away there is an old restored gas station that used to service all those cars driving on that long route. It is now a museum. Today all the little girls were looking out the windows and saw a swarm of old Model-T's driving past. They were all screaming and yelling that they had all stopped at that museum/gas station. So, wouldn't you know - FIELD TRIP!!! We lined everyone up and took a little trip down to that station and had ourselves a field trip. The owners of the cars came from Chicago and were on their way to Springfield, Illinois and even more interesting is that they were taking the original Route 66. The owners were nice enough to let the kids climb in the cars and honk the horns of those cars. It was a great learning experience for all of them. One I think they won't forget.

So, that's it. This house is hard to describe. It's just something you have to come out and see yourself. And don't worry, there is PLENTY of room!

Oh, yeah, one more picture.

Happy 5th Birthday Gabi

2006-09-16T14:44:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to FooHappy Birthday to FooHappy Birthday dear little FooHappy Birthday to Foo

"All I want do to is go to Chuck E Cheese for my birtday."

"Gabi, do you want Chuck E Cheese to come out and sing 'Happy Birthday' to you?"

"That's fine but he just can't touch me."

It's Deja Vu All Over Again

2006-09-13T19:32:00.000-07:00

Ahh, gross! The similarities are freaking me out!! Today Olivia got her bandages removed from her finger. For those that didn't hear, she had surgery on it about 1 week ago to remove a cyst from her pinky finger. The surgery went well except for the waking up from anesthesia part. She had a real hard time but once she got a little sedative she was fine and ready to watch Lilo & Stitch on the Disney Channel and snuggle in mommy's arms. So when the doctor took the bandage off her finger, I was a little surprised at how much her finger looked like what mine looked like 18 months ago when I sliced it. Check it out:

and mine:

All I can say is yuck, yuck, yuck. She really is doing well. The doctor told her she has to stop babying her finger and start using it again. I have to remind her of that because she keeps forgetting. She is back to doing cartwheels around the house and running around with her siblings. Thank God kids are resilient. Cause mom had a harder time with this than she did.

We Remember

2006-09-11T14:19:00.000-07:00

Today is the 5th anniversary of the deadly attacks on our country. For our family, it holds many sad memories and has many significances. I was 38 weeks pregnant with Gabi and I guess you could say that she saved my husband from being thrown back up into the war zone just a few days later. Tom took a major demotion before I was even out of the hospital. We lived paycheck to paycheck for the next 3 years.

So for us, this day will always be remembered. And for my kids who are now of age to semi-understand what happened on this day. Jake remembers when the second plane hit the World Trade Center. He was 4 1/2 years old. He was sitting in front of the television as his parents watched in horror at what seemed, at the time, to be an accident. We didn't even think to turn the TV off for the sake of those innocent eyes. It never dawned on us. This morning, we had several discussions about the events of that day and our kids had several questions. We observed a moment of silence in our homeschool at the times that each of the planes went down. The kids went to their homeschool learning center today and when I picked the girls up, their teacher said, "When we talked about what happened on this day 5 years ago, both the girls knew exactly what the events were." Those darn homeschool kids, sometimes they know to much.

And for me, for some reason, those memories seem all to vivid. And the effects that it had on my life for months and years to come, seem to be so much more real today. I am thankful that my husband is home today and not flying. For I don't think I want him up in the air ever again on this day. What if they try it again, just for kicks, as an anniversary celebration? I was glad he was home on this day 5 years ago. Even more glad today. I don't think I ever realized, with my pregnant state in the past, how it would have felt to have him out of town that day. What would I have done? Gone into labor?? Had a nervous breakdown?? Cried all day? I look forward to a better day tomorrow.

End of an Era

2006-09-03T15:37:00.000-07:00

This past Friday, a chapter was closed in my mom's life. For the last year, she has been wanting to retire and move on with her life. We have all waited for that perfect time to come, when the finances would be right, the perfect time to get her house on the real estate market, the perfect time that she could emotionally handle letting go of her job. That perfect time came when my grandmother got sick and we were all reminded of how precious life is and how feeble my granny had become. She wasn't going to live forever as we would all hope for. My mom decided then and their that it was finally time to take that plunge and retire. She had always said that when it came time that my granny would need help, that she would walk out of her job and never look back. And that's just what she did.

Maybe it wasn't as much her decision as she thought. I believe that it was the Lord telling her that it was time to take that faith walk. It was time for her to step out into the unknown and out of her comfort zone. She has a need now. She needs to find a part time job to make up the difference financially month to month. She's been talking about ending this chapter of her life for the last year and for some reason 'stuff' has just been coming up to prevent her from doing that. The one thing that would make her quit, my granny getting sick, would push her out the door. The Lord knew that and now she has taken that plunge. I'm proud of her for taking this walk. I was there last year. I took that walk of faith. I know the criticisms that can come with such a decisions. I also know the fear as you know what your deadline is and you see it coming closer and closer without any resolve in sight. But she will be fine, emotionally, spiritually, financially. The Lord will hold her and I know she believes that to.

So, HAPPY RETIREMENT, MOM!!

She came to my house on the day she retired and since the other two of the 'Byrne Girls 4' couldn't join us for this oh so special event, I had to make sure that she went out with a bang - something special she would remember forever. I think I achieved that goal.

We took her out to dinner at a Japanese Steak House. She had never been to one before and had asked to go so we gladly obliged her. Who could argue with that kind of food?? Yummy!! She wore a special 'Happy Retirement' headband to let the entire restaurant know what a special day this was. She got the attention she deserved when the staff came out banging a gong and then sang a 'Happy Retirement' song to her. They also put a special red chef hat on her to make her stand out more!

I made a special cake for her. I even made a sugar cookie person for each of the 'Byrne Girls 4'. Can you figure out who is who??

I'll give you a while to think about it and submit your answers!

I think my mom had a great day and I achieved my goal of making it special for her. I bought her some Brighton jewelry, her favorite, with her favorite theme of hearts. She got a charm bracelet and matching necklace, you turn the necklace to the other side and it reads, 'Love your heart(the heart isn't written out, it is a picture of a heart)'. I also made sure she had a banner, retirement plates/napkins, a table topper and retirement lawn ornament. She's excited for her new venture and looks forward to spending more time with the grandkids without any boundaries of work responsibilities. She has woken up at 7 a.m. these past few days, she's usually a 5 a.m. riser, just because she can now. I'm excited for her and can't wait to see what the future holds!

Tapping on the Glass

2006-09-01T10:07:00.000-07:00

Dink, Dink, Dink

Dink, Dink, Dink

Tap, Tap, Tap

Dink, Dink, Dink

Ok, now tell me what mental image just popped up into your head considering the title and the first few lines of this post?

Did you conjure up the same mental image I did? Someone, maybe you, standing in front of a plate of glass, tapping frantically on it. What kind of glass was it?? Was it one way glass so the attraction on the other side couldn't see who was doing the tapping? Or was it clear plexi glass, where both could see who was tapping? And who did you put on the other side? Was it a boyfriend or girlfriend, or perhaps a coworker?? Was it your boss? Or maybe it was a arrogant, self righteous family member?? Or possibly a close-minded in-law?

I can think of several people I would put on the other side of that plexi glass. And I think I would choose to have one way plexi glass. Just for certain individuals though. Just so they would have no clue that I was the one tapping on their glass, wriling them up, insighting riots, rocking the boat. And for others, I would want clear plexi glass, so they would know, under no uncertain terms that it was me trying to get their fur to stand on end.

I am tired of playing reindeer games with certain individuals. I'm tired of doing their dance, just to not insight a riot. The time has come to start putting some of those people behind the glass and just tap away at my hearts content. Whether they realize it is me or not.

My Point of View

2006-08-24T18:16:00.000-07:00

Finally, the rest I deserve. This is what I"m going to look at for the next 3 days. My feet, propped up on a picnic table (next to a pool, I might add), staring into the lush green mountains.

Finally a chance to just sit and be.

SCREEEEECH!!!!

2006-08-22T17:52:00.000-07:00

If I were a car, that is how I would be feeling right now.

Put on the brakes.

STOP!!!

I need to slow down.

The time is flying by me and my summer is coming to an end way to fast.

Help!!

Is it helping??

If I close my eyes, pretend to be holding onto a steering wheel and slamming my feet on the ground like I were pressing on brakes in my car -

could I stop??

No, I guess not.

School starts for us next week and can you tell that I'm not ready for that day to day commitment. I have enjoyed my summer laziness and not having to worry about lesson planning, kids in bed on time, setting my alarm (vomiting a little in my mouth here) and having a hectic school day.

I need to recharge from my summer and get stuck somewhere were the only thing I can do is sit and do nothing. Soak it in and just stop for a minute. Get a grip and gear up for what is lying ahead 6 days from now.

Luckily, that time is coming up this weekend.

Runway Divas and Dude

2006-08-20T15:41:00.000-07:00

The kids participated in a mall fashion show at the mall that I worked at. They modeled for Gymboree, the children's clothing store that I work for. They had two shows, the girls did the first one (Jake was at his football game)- the girls are second and third from the left-

and all three of them did the second - Jake is in the back row in the orange, Olivia is the first one from the right in the back row and Gabi is in the front row in the stripes.

The girls were a tad nervous for the first show and a little intimidated by all the people and the older models that were there. But they held their own and looked absolutely adorable up on the runway. For the second show, they had relaxed a little and Mr. Jake was my nervous one. Gabi became so relaxed that she waved most of the way down the runway and then refused to turn around and go back. Does she have a future in NY??

A Final Reflection

2006-08-17T22:16:00.000-07:00

If you haven't read the previous reflections, do that now.

I can't believe I made it to this day. One year ago, our life was being unloaded from a BEKINS truck into our new home.

They arrived early and left late. They had told us that it would take half the time to unload the truck that it took to load it. Well, let's do the math. It took them 9 hours to load the truck back in Cleveland and it took them 10 hours to unload the truck here in Pennsylvania. Does that sound right?? 'Cause half of 9 isn't 10!!

I was in my element one year ago today. I could finally take some control over a very uncontrollable situation. I could tell the movers where I wanted stuff and I could start digging into boxes and setting my life up. For a moment, I could forget about the painful last few days, the rawness of the spot that the band-aid was ripped off of. That part was finally over. In my mind, I couldn't see past August 16, 2005. And I had made it to the next day, that was a start. I didn't know what my life would allow me here and I didn't dare entertain the thoughts. September, October, November and so on didn't exist in my mind.

Now in the present, it feels the same way. I have said for months that I look forward to our one year anniversary. To the time where events would no longer be new. That I wouldn't have to guess where to go get my pumpkin or frantically drive around looking for a place to buy my Christmas tree or wonder what the house looked like in the snow. I perservered through this year trying to get to this date. And now, I have made it. As a matter of fact, I've made it one day past. And just like last year, I hadn't allowed myself to look forward to the upcoming months. I just wanted to make it through the first year. You know what?? I did. I did it.

pat on the back

I made it through the first year. I not only made it through, I made it through well and with flying colors. I am proud of me, of us, of my family for jumping in with both feet. We have friends and play dates and a homeschool group, and an unpacked house, and a great uncle who looks after us and goes fishing with the boys, and people to invite to parties, and a place to worship, and we know how to get to the mall via the backroads. How great is that?? We've accomplished so much.

As I sit at Jake's football scrimmage this evening, I am overwhelmed with a sense of peace. A peace that I have not felt for a very long time. That peace brought with it a sense of belonging. We belong here, sitting on the sidelines watching the game, the girls doing cartwheels in front of us, enjoying the scenery of being down at the canal, the green grass and mature green trees as the foreground to the beautiful sunset. We look around and actually know the names of many of the football players, coaches and parents. Why?? We've been here before. We actually know these people. And I don't know a better cure for those feelings of being disconnected and not belonging. How I cherish these feelings. For they have been extinct from my being for a year. I can now look forward to the upcoming months with a new perspective. I know where I'm going for the moment. I've been there, done that. I know what to expect from the fall and the places I want to be and the things I want to be doing.

I am grateful to finally belong.

Reflections #4

2006-08-16T22:55:00.000-07:00

If you haven't read #1, #2 or #3, I suggest you do that.

We were exhausted from arriving at Tom's uncle's house at 3:15 a.m. after taking a 3 a.m. stop at our new house. The kids were in their pj's and barefeet. They had never seen their new home before and for that matter, neither had Tom. I had been several times during the summer to check on the progress so I was aware of what it looked like. Whatever neighbors were living in their homes by then and awake that early, were probably wondering what kind of neighbors they had just acquired!! By the time we got to Tom's uncle's house, we were ready to crash. I didn't sleep much that morning. We had to be up early and out the door to get back to the house to do our pre-settle walk through. It was raining and dreary that day just as it is today. Our walk through was a disaster and by the time it was over, I wanted to rip someone's head off for giving me a gas stove instead of the electric one that I ordered. I can't stand cooking with gas and still can't one year later. As a matter of fact, today on our real one year anniversary, I burnt the butter part of my chicken sauce because of the gas stove!! How ironic!

And today would be the day that we actually signed the paperwork and actually owned our home. This would be the nite that my mom and Tom's uncle would bring over some celebratory sparkling cider and would pop the cork and make our first hole in the ceiling. This would be the night, one year ago, that we had two blow up mattresses, one in the master bedroom and one in Olivia's room, and we spent the night without any other furniture.

And here, in this present year, we would commemorate by actually eating dinner in the dining room. My brave sister delivered my dining room hutch and table and after one year, I have set that room up to actually be a dining room and not just a thrown together school room. Notice the chandelier - for one year it has been pinned up to the ceiling and never been let down. This was done by the builders and we haven't touched it until today. Now, it has been released and allowed to function in its role.

ONE YEAR AGO

PRESENT DAY

I also made sure that this poor clock and shelf got put up on the wall before this day. You see, this poor clock is an heirloom from T's family and the shelf was made by my grandfather and is an heirloom from my family. This poor clock has been sitting on the kitchen counter since it got unpacked from the truck, chiming away and reminding me that it would really like a home. The shelf has been sitting on the half wall between the kitchen and family room since it was unpacked from the box. In this picture it is all the way to the left of me and Jake. We have used it as a place to hang our furry marionettes.

The clock is behind my mom on the left of the picture.

And now, finally, after one entire year, we have brought both of them together to their final resting place in our house.

TADA!!!!!!!

I should also make mention of the fact that there is now wallpaper border and sponged paint in the kitchen. I made a special effort to get this done before this one year celebration. I have also finished painting the family room and the dining room. I have bought the paint/wallpaper for Jake's room and picked out the colors for Gabi's room. We have also decided on the new bedding for Olivia and will pick out her paint as soon as we get the new set.

So there, another milestone. Another day closer to closure. Closure of the Cleveland chapter. Closure on the rawness of our move one year ago. And a new acceptance of where we are and what we are supposed to be doing here (like I know that yet but am getting a good idea).

Reflections #3

2006-08-15T20:33:00.000-07:00

If you haven't read #1 or #2, you need to do that.

And I guess today would be the real start of that band-aid ripping process. This was the day that the packers/loaders took 10 hours to load our moving van. They started at 11 a.m. and stopped at about 8:30 p.m. We would say good-bye to our house, life, friends, familiarity, connectedness and comfort zone of Cleveland for good.

Wow.

One year ago.

I stood at the end of the driveway, the sun set, the porch lights on in at the house, the garage light on inside the garage. The girls were with us. Jake was slowly on his way to join us, paused and then gingerly touched his fingers to the garage door and said good-bye. As I said one year ago, that memory will forever be burned in my mind. It hurt so much and seemed to be the embodiment of what we were all feeling.

I was glad that day was over one year ago and I'm glad today is over here in the present. It has a whole new meaning to me now. I can no longer say that "one year ago when we were in Cleveland" because from here on out, we've been here in Pennsylvania and done that in Pennsylvania.

Reflections #2

2006-08-14T21:16:00.000-07:00

And another day of packing in my past. A year ago it was a Sunday. This would have been our last time in our church home. For some reason, I thought it would have been more painful than it was. More of a big deal, not only from my perspective but from our church families perspective. Yes, there were several people saying goodbye and wishing us well. I watched several times as families had left the church to move on to other ventures. They had been called up to the front by our pastor during the church service and he had said several things about how long they had been part of the church body and what their next chapter in life would hold. I had always said to my hubby during the time when we knew we were leaving that soon that would be us. I guess I was sort of shocked when we weren't invited up that last Sunday or even a mention of us leaving the church. Maybe that's why it was much easier to walk out of there without any tears.

By the time we got home after church, the packers had already arrived and most of the kids rooms were already packed. We spent the rest of that day doing last minute preparations for the actual loading of the moving truck the next day. We had a last night hoorah at Cheesecake Factory with our J.J. and her mom. She had taken the kids that day and the day before for the packing. I forgot about that.

As I look back on this day, I remember that it was my last night in Cleveland, in my house. It still hurts. And I pay homage to those feelings. I feel like I have to, like I need to, like those feelings are something that needs to be honored. It was one of the hardest things I had to do - there is something to be said for that.

Reflections #1

2006-08-13T19:07:00.000-07:00

It was one year ago today that the packers came for the first day of packing up our house in Cleveland. I didn't know what to expect and was hoping that they would pack the basement first or some other unimportant room. To my surprise, they started with the kitchen. I had to run to the store for something and when I got back, most of my kitchen was in boxes. This was, of course, before I could yell, "HEY, STOP!!! I HAVEN"T GOTTEN THE THINGS I NEED TO!" Oh well, the next time I saw my hand vac was in kitchen box number 23 in Pennsylvania.

One year ago we were to have our final "Family Fun Nite" sponsored by our little town. It was to be a movie at dusk out on the lawn near the lake. Popcorn is free. Music is playing, pre-movie time. Crafts for the kids. And wouldn't you know it, the last time that we could enjoy this community event and it rained. That just stunk!!

This day wasn't as bad as the rest of the days to come and I knew that it was just the beginning of lots more pain. As I have heard coined from my sisters in the last couple of weeks, I just wished at that time that I could have just ripped the band-aid off and gotten it all over with instead of slowly pulling it off and enduring small, very painful pulls on my heart strings.

But today, in the present, I reflect on those memories of what happened on this day, one year ago. And to my surprise, when I open that box of memories, they are still painful. It still hurts and is still raw one year later. It makes me want to put the lid back on and leave it alone for a while, hoping that next year when I revisit these memories, they won't hurt so bad. But I know that that isn't smart. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired of the memories being painful. I hope that as I reflect on the next three days and the memories that they hold from one year ago that it will be a healing process and a chance to let go and move on.

Camp Song

2006-08-10T13:51:00.000-07:00

(sung to the tune of the original camp song)

Hello muddah, hello faddah
Here I am at Camp GrandMAMAMA
Camp is very entertaining
And they say we'll have some fun if it stops raining.

I went biking with Little Maddy
She decided to go batty
You remember Wissy Woo Woo
She fell down and got a boo boo.

Take me home, oh muddah, faddah
Take me home, I hate Camp GrandMAMAMA
Don't leave me out in the forest where
I might get eaten by a bear.

All the counselors hate the busboy
He thinks the social director is his personal toy.
And the art director cheats at point time
If she doesn't watch it, she won't have a dime.

How I don't want this should scare ya
But my bunkmate has malaria
You remember Fishy Foo Foo
She's running around singing Moo Moo.

Take me home...I promise I will not make noise
Or mess the house with other boys.
Oh please don't make me stay
I've been here one whole day.

Dearest faddah, darling muddah,
How's my precious little bruddah
Let me come home, if you miss me
I would even let everyone hug and kiss me.

Wait a minute, it's stopped hailing.
Girls are swimming, guys are biking
Playing football, gee that's better
Muddah, faddah kindly disregard this letter.

Single Digit Finale

2006-07-16T13:45:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday dear Jacob
Happy birthday to you

On to double digits!!

My Momma Always Told Me . .

2006-07-14T17:16:00.000-07:00

Yes, I made my poor husband stop and let me take a picture of this. Really, it's true, my mom really did tell me this. I have been involved in several car crashes with my mother, most occured during and the years right after the divorce. Go figure that once she got her tenacity and strength back, she hasn't been in one since. Another post, another day.

Anyway, she really did warn me about getting in a car accident and not having clean underwear on. I think that was one thing that she was actually proud of after the accident when I was about 7 and she blew her knee out. 'At least I was wearing clean underwear.' she had said. Funny to think that someone else on the planet has the same mentality that she does.

Home Sweet Home

2006-07-11T16:40:00.000-07:00

I think one of the greatest ways to learn to appreciate where God has put you is to leave. We recently took a one week vacation back to our old stomping grounds. For me, it was to be no big deal, I had already been back a couple of times and had poured salt into that still raw wound. For Tom, it was to be a different experience, he hadn't been back to our old house since we left. For the kids, it was to be revisiting of their roots. The moment we pulled off I-90 at the Clague Road exit headed to Bay Village, I felt like we were returning home from a long trip. But wait a minute, this wasn't home anymore and we weren't returning, we had just started our journey. How surreal. As I looked at my kids and then at my husband, I couldn't help reaching for his hand and holding it tight. For this is how we had left that fateful night almost 11 months ago. Grasping our hands together as if to draw on each other's strength. And that is how we would return to this place that we had called home for 10 years. I didn't expect all those emotions to still be there. I had done this before and it shouldn't hurt as much as it did. But what I hadn't done before is to return like this, in our van, with the kids and more importantly, with my husband at the wheel and all of us together as a unit, as our family unit. I can't begin to explain just how weird that whole experience was. But just as quickly as it came, it left just as fast. Before I knew it, we were at our J.J.'s house, just down the street from our old house. And it was like we never left.

During the week we spent there, we had a few more experiences like that, not as severe and emotional but just surreal and weird. We both couldn't help thinking that this is what our summers entailed - sitting at the pool, watching baseball games at the field near the lake, just watching the lake, watching the kids play on our street with their J.J. - this was our life and it was very hard to swallow the fact that that life just didn't exist anymore. But as we settled into our vacation and the familiarity of the area, a strange new emotion began to creep up in both of us. To my shock, at some point, I was ready to come home. Yes, I said it, home. And when I say home, I mean this state that I now reside in. I didn't want to come home because we were having an awful time, or because the weather was bad, or because I was tired of being in a hotel room with the kids, or because all of us hadn't been in bed before 11p.m. on any given nite - as a matter of fact, I was having a great time and enjoying every minute of being there. But I wanted my house, my bed, my pillow, my kitchen, my space - I just wanted to come home. Believe me when I say, I am just as shocked as you are that I might have actually gotten to the point that I can call this mixed up state home.

Happy Fourth of July Kids

Gabi finally got to go to Bay Days

The girls and their J.J.

Playing chess with Pop Pop

J.J. and company

Being crazy with mommy at Huntington Beach on Lake Erie

Gabi and Pop Pop on the ferry from Kelley's Island

The Grandparents

Kids on ferry to Kelley's Island

Theme for the Month

2006-07-01T19:23:00.000-07:00

-compliments to my mother for purchasing a shirt for me that really says it all-

A Girl After My Own Heart

2006-06-16T19:34:00.000-07:00

One of my greatest stress relievers when I was growing up was gymnastics. It was a place for me to pound out my frustrations and swing away from my stressful life. I would say that my parents weren't thrilled at my choice of sports. Even though, they still put up with it and poured large amounts of money into it. My mom drove me to lots of crazy places to compete and she attended most of my meets. I competed through a private gym and also for my high school. I actually switched high schools to be on their gymnastics team - they were always competitors for the state title. Once I graduated from high school, I found a gym at the college I was attending and taught for a semester there. After that, I pretty much had nothing to do with the sport. That is until now.

A factor on my "PROS" side for moving to Pennsylvania was that there was a gymnastics facility about 5 minutes from our house. And to make it even better, they offered adult classes. Oh my!! I hadn't been in the gym since I was a freshman in college. And now, I had that "badge of honor" of three children sitting on my thighs! But last fall, I gave it a whirl. And wouldn't you know how quickly most of my skills came back to me. The first day I went back, I could barely hang onto the bars, let alone swing on them or even do a "kip" - one of the hardest tricks to learn on the bars and probably the basis for every other move you will do on them. Now, I'm swinging freely and once again enjoying the release of pounding that spring floor with back handsprings to relieve tension.

I have also enrolled both the girls in the gym. Since the fall, Olivia has moved from a simple recreational class, to a kindergarten elite class, to an invitation only pre-pre team class and now into a pre-team class that meets 3 times a week for 2 hours a day during the summer. Gabi is in it more for exercise and being able to wear those awesome GK Elite leotards that her sister wears. The gym held an annual class meet a couple of weeks ago for most of the team and pre-team levels. Olivia got a good taste of what a real competition would be like - judges, rotating events, scores, saluting the judges at the beginning and end of your routine. And let me tell you, my little girl shone!! She really had a knack for all the glamour and show that goes into a successful gymnast. I was quite impressed and proud of her. She looked so cute! It was after that meet that her coaches invited her to move up to the current pre-team level that she is in now. She really showed them that this was something she is good at and potentially something to take her through life.

And believe it or not, I've met some opposition from a certain family member, reminding me of all the time and energy I put into the sport, all the injuries I incurred during my competition years and even as an adult how my posture is so much like a gymnast and how all those years in the sport has probably contributed to many of the aches and pains I have acquired as a thirty something adult. Wanna know what I have to say to that??

I'd do it all over again. Now as an almost all-knowing adult, I'd do it all over again.

It was my out, my release, my stress reliever as a very confused and hurt teenager. It kept me out of trouble. It's in my blood. I loved it then and still love it now. And if my daughter loves it, it will be in her blood too. And she will want to be in the gym and practice and compete and deal with the pain and pressures of being there. And if she wants out, she can get it out. And what makes it even better for her, she's got someone behind her who knows all about those ups and downs of the sport, someone who understands words like "kip", "aerial", "back walkover" and all the other terminology, someone who knows how to spot all those tricks and now can actually do them along side her (with several minutes of stretching beforehand these days).

I recently saw an interview with former Olympic gymnast Dominique Dawes (Hills Gymnastics, MD). In that interview she shared that when she was in the gym at the tender age of 6 & 7 years old she saw the gym as a big playground, a place to bounce and jump around and nothing more than that. I think that is the way Olivia sees it. It is fun for her. I want her to keep that attitude as long as she can. And when that attitude changes and she doesn't want to get out of the car to go to practice, then we will talk and reevaluate. I know I'm not the only parent out there that has come across this dilemma. What happens when she gets to the point that she doesn't want to get out of the car to go to practice?? How will I feel knowing all the money I have put into the sport and the time spent driving her to and from practices and competitions?? I know the gymnastics road, I have taken it. But should I deny my daughter the chance to shine, the chance to develop a potential talent, the chance to shape her self-esteem. That answer is pretty clear. And the former question, I'm just going to cross that bridge when I get there.

>
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Blank Stare

2006-06-06T19:43:00.000-07:00

Okay, so this is seriously post dated again. Deal with it.

I have found that moving to the great state of Pennsylvania (notice that I didn't say PA, everyone here call this place PA, when I lived in Ohio, did I refer to it as OH, no, I called it Ohio) . . . anyway, when I moved to this great state I have found that they like lots of red tape. Nothing can be done easily, lots of hoops to jump through. I found this out when I started to research the prospect of getting my car registered here.

Now, I must back up and let you know that I started looking into this last summer before we moved. Our car registration in Ohio (not OH) expired the month we were moving. I thought it would be perfect planning to just go ahead and skip the Ohio registration and just get it registered in Pennsylvania since we were going to be living there within 15 days. But no can do, according to the great powers that be, you can't do that, you have to live here first before we can register your car here. And on top of that, you've got 20 days to do it once you move here. Ha, I say, I'll show you. Fine, I registered my car in Ohio for the 15 days of that year that we would be living there. And do you think that I switched my registration within the restrictive window of 20 days. I think not. I will deny that if anyone reading this works for the powers that be. It was my way of giving this state the middle finger.

In my defense, I did start the first step of the process, getting the title for the car, as soon as we moved. Of course, the yahoos sent it to the wrong address and it turned out to be an unforwardable piece of mail. And once we actually did get the title, months later, I called the Ohio people to get the paperwork to get the title transferred and wouldn't you know that Pennsylvania requires that that piece of paper that was unforwardable has to be notarized. Back to the drawing board I went and waited once again. When I finally did receive the correct, notarized piece of paper that I needed to apply for my registration, I went searching for the correct department that I would need to submit these pieces of paper to. And to continue down this negative path that I seemed to be taking, wouldn't you know it that there isn't just a department to go to, you have to go to several places to actually complete the process of getting your car registered. I decided to go through AAA, since we were members, it would be cheaper and according to the people I talked to, I wouldn't need to incur the extra expense of getting our licenses switched over first. Great! Something positive!

So, months later, my husband and I had a kid free morning and took the big step to actually go to AAA and get this thing done. I can't tell you how awful that experience was and if my husband didn't have any grounds to divorce me then, after that day, he sure did! Basically the lady at AAA told me that since I had made that phone call about not having to have my license to register, the law had changed and now you did. I literally banged my hands down on the desk and almost jumped across the desk. What that meant for me, is that I had to once again, postpone this event and find a time to come back. And to add fuel to my fire, I wasn't the one that would be coming back, it would be my hubby because the car was registered in HIS name. This time my hubby caught me as I tried to jump across the desk and try to attack this poor woman. And to continue to press my buttons, she tells me that since we couldn't get a pencil rubbing of our VIN number, we had to go to another location to have that done. Luckily, that location was across the street and it was free. The only positive thing that did come out of that visit. So, as we leave the AAA office, I was fuming, furious and quite on fire. As I storm out of there, I state, loud enough for the entire office to hear, "Another reason to hate the state of Pennsylvania!" My poor hubby, he just followed as close as possible behind me and pushed me out the door.

So, my friends, it's done. My hubby went back a few days later, got the same lady in the AAA office, who didn't seem to have any memory cells of our meeting and got the car registered. It was a sad day when those Ohio tags came off. It was like signing another part of my past away and accepting the fate that I have been given. And to make matters worse, this state only requires one plate in the back. My poor baby is just staring at me with this blank stare. I hate that. I can't stand looking at it. To make me feel better, I will be buying the specialized plates for the van. I think we're going to go with the river otter because it looks cute. And as far as the front is concerned, I think I'm going to have a personalized one that says:

"Get out of my way I learned to drive on the Beltway"

Growing Pains Chapter 2

2006-05-25T18:55:00.000-07:00

Didn't I just post about how much it hurts to watch your kids grow up and move on in life?? Did I not make it clear enough that I can only handle so much of it at one time??? Apparently, the Jenn VooDoo Doll gods are at it again, poking me and prodding me!

My Little Princess has been diligently working at getting her first tooth to come loose. My little girl is brave and strong. I know that about her and had no doubt that this adventure would be as painless as possible. For those that know me and my past history with teeth pulling in this family - referring to the oldest here - you know that Princess's attitude to tooth pulling is a far cry from what I'm used to. Yes, my oldest is a little afraid of pain. Luckily, his first tooth fell out when he was brushing his teeth so I got away with something at that point. Of course, I didn't realize that at the time. Each subsequent tooth was an act of horror and death. Let's go over the facts - he's been paid to have someone pull his tooth that was literally hanging from a thread, he's been talked through pain therapy with my sisters and myself looking on and believe it or not, he's been locked in a room by himself until the deed has been done. Don't get me wrong, I'm not some sort of pain mongral trying to make my kid strong, making him do these things on his own. He is so afraid of the pain, that he can't think of anything else. I have always been there to comfort him and walk him through it but at some point, he's got to deal with it on his own. We've been successful, they've all come out in time and he hasn't been damaged in the process.

So, you have to imagine with my second child coming up on tooth pulling years, I'm just a little nervous. And like I said, she views pain differently. I knew her tooth had been loose for a while and have been encouraging her to wiggle it and so forth. She's allowed me to help her in the wiggling and twisting process (the twisting is the key here to those first time parents). Tonite when I picked her up from gymnastics, she informed me that she could bend her tooth all the way back with her tongue. At that point, I knew it was time. I was a little nervous, probably more nervous than she. She wiggled and wiggled and wiggled. Her little fingers twisted and twisted and twisted. But those little twiggy muscles just couldn't pull it out. So, the big guns had to come in and pull it out. It took one twist and VOILA, it was out! No bribery, no pay offs, no pain therapy, no locking her in her room. 'Just take a deep breath and it will be over in a sec!' And now my little Princess is toothless.

"Do you think the Tooth Fairy will bring me $50?"

"I don't know dear."

"Well, if she can't, $40 will be fine."

That's my Princess.

I could never understand the piece of advice that was given to me when Jake was just a toddler, "Don't blink, my dear.", an elderly woman had said to me. And now, all I want to do is curse those Blink gods and beg for more time. Gabi graduating from Cubbies, Princy loosing her first tooth, Jake . . what's next for you?? College??

The bloody mess

All cleaned up and very proud!

Growing Pains

2006-05-13T18:45:00.000-07:00

I think that one of the greatest joys of being a mom is watching your kids grow up and flourish. That joy can also be very bittersweet. On the one hand, you want your kids to hit milestones and to grow but on the other hand it also means that their time with you is slowly ticking away and before you know it, they will be 18 and hopefully college bound and out on their own. I guess I am reminded of this more and more as my sister is going through the torture of watching her newborn little Camille hit milestones and start that bittersweet process of growing up. She calls me upset about having to put baby clothes away and move up to the next size, about moving the straps on her carseat because she is getting to tall, her excitement and sadness of her daughter rolling over onto her stomach, having to put those little baby 4 ounce bottles away and bringing out the big guns - the 8 ounce ones. She asks me if it was hard for me when my kids were infants to takes these steps in the growing process. And I am instantly reminded of that bittersweetness that I also experienced for each one of my kids.

At the time she called, I had just experienced one of these moments with my youngest daughter. And through the busyness that my life seems to be generating at this moment, I had forgotten to share with her. My kids have been regular attenders of the AWANA program since my oldest was 3 years old. It is sort of like a Christian boy/girls scouts - instead of learning to survive in the wilderness, you learn to survive in the world equipped with Bible verses and morals/values teaching. The club is divided by age group, the Cubbies being the group for 3 and 4 year olds. Both Jake and Olivia went through this program and have moved on to the upper level. Gabi just completed her second year and will move up a level next year to join Olivia in the Kindergarden-2nd grade level-Sparks. This was also our first year in this church as we had gone through the programs through another church when we were in OH. I was shocked to find out that this church actually had a ceremony for those kids moving up levels. I looked at my husband and warned him that this was going to make me cry. They had the kids that were graduating line up and shake the hands of their teachers and then walk across a bridge to the awaiting teachers for the next level and shake their hands. Oh, my, that almost ripped my heart out. I have had a little one in Cubbies since Jake was 3 and now, no more Cubbies. "I NEED ANOTHER CUBBIE!!!", I told my husband.

So, Em, get used to these growing pains. They hurt and they are painful. But I always keep in mind that they are growing and flourishing because of me because of my love, care and teaching. It is something to be proud of!

Walking the Bridge

Shaking Hands with her New Teachers (she is at the far left)

My AWANA Kids

Which Hershey Are You??

2006-04-25T16:59:00.000-07:00

After my parents divorced, my mom, my sisters and I coined ourselves "The Byrne Girls 4". We were all we had and fought hard and strong to be together and support each other. Over the years, many words have been used to describe our character - tenacious, strong-willed, Type A, stubborn, acid-tongue(that one was specifically aimed at me from a family member I won't mention), organized, hard headed, fighters, dysfunctional (our family has always put the "fun" back in dysfunctional - love that line), go getters. Basically, many have learned not to mess with us or to piss us off.

This past weekend my family, along with my dad and his wife, had a planned trip to Hershey Park. This was a one day event specifically for last Saturday. As I watched the weather over the past week, the 'weather weanies' were consistently predicting a rainy day for that day. I called my dad late in the week to see what the tickets said about rain. I knew the tickets were only for that specific day and didn't look forward to spending it in the rain - I was hoping that there was some contingency plan if that day got rained out. So, he read to me, 'rain or shine', right off the tickets themselves. Darn it, I thought. I hadn't even said anything to the kids just in case the day got called off. Well, I said to myself, I guess we're gonna get wet.

So, in the style that is so "Byrne Girl" like, I prepared my kids for a very wet, rainy day of enjoying Hershey Park. And, in a style that is so mirroring the tenacity that I resemble, all they could focus on was the fact that they were going to Hershey Park to ride the rides. Now, let me clarify, it just wasn't going to rain a little bit, it was going to rain a lot, hard, steady and ALL day. You should have seen the back of my van. I packed several bags of dry clothes, lots of sweatshirts, gloves and hats, the double stroller to keep the girls dry, umbrellas, rainboots, raincoats, rainponchos - whatever I could think of that I might need to spend a very wet, rainy day outside and away from home. And I wasn't surprised by the attitudes that my kids showed that day. There wasn't any complaining, whining, crying or bad attitudes. Yes, folks, it can be done - it's all in the training. They knew before we started our trek that it was going to be rainy, cold and wet. They knew they were going to be uncomfortable but they knew that they were either going to deal with it with their mouths shut or just stay home. And that is just what they did. They had a blast. My dad's wife and I gave up early and went shopping at the outlets nearby. I actually had to call my husband and my dad and order them to get the kids out of the rain. I was starting to get concerned about them getting sick (and for the record, they didn't, thankfully)And thank you Hershey Park, for acknowledging the craziness we portrayed that day by coming out in the pouring rain by rewarding us with complimentary tickets to return later on in the summer!! Hopefully this time, it will be less rainy, more sunny and when I go on The Comet with my son, I don't have to be wearing a winter coat and covering my face to shield it from those painful raindrops that hit when you are riding a roller coaster in the rain!!

My Reese's Cup

Another Reese's Cup

My Little Hershey Bar

Trying to Stay Dry

Drying off in Chocolate World

Stamp of Approval

2006-04-06T18:03:00.000-07:00

This month will be a month of reflection, for one year ago this month, we put our house on the market in OH. I thought about this on April Fool's Day because that was the actual day. It was cold and snowing. I can still picture in my head our realtor putting the For Sale sign on our front yard and giving me the thumbs up. If only I had known what the next 5 months would hold, I probably would have thrown something at her. But here we are, a year later. We've been in our house almost 8 months. Wow, I can't believe that. Those memories of moving out and moving in are still so vivid, so fresh and still so raw and painful. I look forward to those memories fading away.

I still continue to struggle with feeling like this place is home. Something so simple as finding out where the FedEx depot is or where the bike shop is to repair my Gabi's tire on her bike. Instead of picking up in the car and just going to these places, I have to find them first. That process continues to be frustrating. But now, I know. And the next time, I can just pick up and go. These are the types of things that help me feel connected.

We had our 6 month house check-up last month. Our house already has a few bumps and bruises that our builders are happily willing to fix for us. One of the things that our customer service rep noticed was that the walkway to our front door was sloped. This is to be expected as the house/ground begins to settle. And just as prompt as our house was built, they were here this week to fix our walkway. The kids watched in amazement as several workers took a big pneumatic drill and punched holes in our walkway and then just picked up the pieces of concrete and threw them away. The workers came back today to fill in our walk with concrete. It was funny how both my husband and I had the same idea once the workers left our concrete to dry. It was only fitting and appropriate that we give this house our stamp of approval. This house is now ours. It now holds our names, our handprints (walls included) and our date of taking ownership. This is a small step but an important one. For some reason, this act cemented (no pun intended) our transition.

The JENN Voodoo Doll

2006-03-31T07:02:00.000-08:00

Ok, ok, now you can get off the floor. I actually am posting twice in one week and not post dating. I would have actually posted the day after my last post but I wanted to give everyone a chance to read my last one. If you haven't read it, you need to do so before you read this one or you won't get the significance.

I really believe that the gods in heaven are holding a Jenn voodoo doll and have been poking it religiously over the past few weeks. And then they decided to hit it with a rock the day after my last post. Remember my last line, "Tomorrow will be a better day."??? I went to bed that night motivated to change my behavior regarding my children. I woke up the next morning and boy did I have the best situation to try it out on. I was on my own that day and started my routine of getting the kids up and ready for school. I was helping my youngest get her bed made and get dressed. After she was dressed, I was getting her hair brushed and had planned on doing French braids for her. My daughters love braids and what they love even more is sleeping in them and then waking up the next day and having curly hair - since both my genes and my husbands genes mix to make poker straight hair, curly hair is a treat. French braiding also takes a little time, which I don't have much of in the morning. So, this was a special treat for them and a way for me to feel good about mothering. As I was brushing her hair, and you probably know what is coming, I noticed a chunk missing on one side. I honestly didn't think anything of it. The last person that had cut her hair had angled it on the sides to help blend in the shorter, thinner hairs on the side of her face. I also was the one that had given Gabi her bath the night before, brushed her hair and then had put her to bed and noticed nothing with her hair. As I sat their brushing, I couldn't believe that the last person who had cut her hair had botched up her sides so bad. So, just out of curiosity, I asked Gabi if she had cut her hair to which she replied, 'no'. I also called her brother and sister in and asked them the same question to which I received adamant no's from both of them. I am very good about noticing when my kids are lying and I was pretty sure that the older two weren't but not so sure about my youngest. I kept badgering her with the question until she finally hung her head low and admitted her wrongdoing. You would be proud of me internet friends because I didn't yell, I didn't scream and believe it or not, I didn't smack her. Yes, I am a smacking kind of mom. What flashed before my eyes was when my oldest daughter had done the exact same thing but only worse. She had taken a chunk off right at her scalp. I was so furious with her that my husband had to hold her back from me because he thought I was going to kill her. That is figuratively, of course. For Gabi, I was very shocked and was trying to place when she had done it. I decided to ask which she proudly shared that she had done it while she was watching her movie before bed. And where was I? Taking a well deserved 15 minute computer break. Yes, this happened basically right under my nose. So, "why?" I asked her to which she replied even more proudly, "I wanted my hair short like Oee's (which is Gabispeak for Olivia).". The last time she had gotten her hair cut she had told the lady that she wanted her hair short like Olivia's to which I had said no way. Apparently, she took matters into her own hands. I told her that I wasn't happy with her and now I couldn't do braids in her hair. I just put it back in a barrette and had her finish her bedroom chores for the morning. She was upset and crying just a tad. I told her that she was on scissor restriction for an unlimited amount of time and that would mean that she can't cut and paste in school. This is her favorite pastime. When she came downstairs, I had her turn in her scissors which she gladly handed over. You must realize that this is my daughter, very relaxed and laid back. She knew she was in trouble and that I wasn't happy with her and quite honestly, just didn't care. I could have smacked her but what was the point. I had to find another way to make her realize that what she did was wrong.

She had story time at the library that day and right after that I took her to get her hair chopped off to try and make it even with the chunk she had removed. As she was sitting in the barber chair, she was smiling. She continued to tell the lady that she had cut off her hair because she wanted it short. She was very proud of herself. As I watched her long locks come flying off and the length of the hair that was left continue to get shorter, I became furious with her. I was so angry at that point. She noticed my scowls and started to pout. Finally, I thought, she might understand my frustration. When she was done, I put her hair back in her bow and went to pay for her haircut. She stood next to me and her brother and sister grabbed the Dum Dum sucker basket that haircuttery gives to good kids and asked if they could have a sucker. I told them they could. And then, it happened, I found my currency for Gabi. "Mommy, can I have one too", she asked. And like my response came straight from God with the proper tones and incantations, "No, you may not. These suckers are for good girls who come to get their hair trimmed, not cut off because they were naughty and used scissors to do it themselves. I am not happy with you." And lo and behold, my daughter started crying. And she cried the rest of the way home. Not for any reason except that she was denied food. But that was enough for me. Even though the rest of the day she was gloriously showing off her new haircut to anyone that would listen, I had my moment where she felt bad for what she had done. That was enough for me.

This is Gabi right before we went into the haircuttery. Notice she glowing smile and proud face. The missing piece is on the right side.

Another shot of the missing piece.

And this, my friends, is my daughter after she was denied her sucker.

Later that evening, over the sucker incident and happy as can be.

It is taking a long time to get used to her new haircut. For some reason, it makes her look a year older. And considering this could be my last child, letting go of anything that turns your baby into a big girl is very hard. But for her, maybe she looks older because she feels older. Because she took control and did something she wanted to do regardless of what her parents thought about it. I am definitely going to have to be more careful about trying to control harmless wants/needs in the future. I wanted her hair long because I liked it that way and for no other reason. She wanted it short and she prevailed. I am a control freak and I admit that. As I said in that last post, each child is different with their own needs and their own wants. I have to respond to each one of them differently. Gabi, even at 4 1/2 yrs, has taught me that as much as I want to control everything about her, I can't. She has her own mind and her own wants. And when it comes to harmless wants, like the length of her hair, I need to let go of some of that control and learn to compromise. And not only with her but with all of them. The only difference with her is that if she wants it bad enough, she's going to go get it on her own. That could prove fatal when she hits those teenage years so I need to start that pattern of compromising now. Pray for me friends, pray for me.

Three Strikes, I'm Out!!!

2006-03-28T21:19:00.000-08:00

STRIKE ONE. . . . .

A few weeks ago, my son was having a problem with his Math. On an average day, I spend about 15 minutes with him actually teaching the new concept in Math. The time is so little mostly because he gets the concepts so fast. After my teaching time, he has 30 Math problems that he completes on his own. Most days, he gets about 5 or so wrong and we go over the reason for his mistakes and fix them together. That day a few weeks ago, he was having what my husband and I have come to call 'a bonehead day'. This is the kind of day that we as teachers feel like beating our heads up against a brick wall because it would be much easier than teaching our son. This is the kind of day where he makes Math much harder than it is and can't compute simple problems. On that day, when I checked those 30 independent problems, he got at least 15 of them wrong. I could tell even before I looked over them that the problem wasn't comprehension, it was his computation, it was his desire to speed through his work just to get it done. Sounds like someone else I knew during her school years. Yes, I was the same way and it drove my dad nuts. I still remember the looks of disappointment he would give me after having 'bonehead days' myself. So, I do have sympathy for my boy but it still didn't excuse his sloppy Math work. His lack of concentration infuriated me that day. As I checked each one wrong, I could feel my anger rising with each new mark on his paper. And what bothered me the most was that I couldn't control it. I have a temper, I always have. My father is Italian, go figure. But ever since Jake was born, I have had daily lessons in patience. And I think I'm doing very well, thank you very much. But I do have days and that day was one of them. Not only could I not control my boiling frustration, I also verbalized it to him. Verbalized it to the point that I made him cry. And you would think that watching him get that upset would stop me - it didn't. That little voice inside kept telling me to stop but I kept going until he was bawling. Yes, I admit that was awful to do to him. And there is no excuse for that. It came to a point that my maternal instinct took over my anger and I regained composure, apologize for making him cry and gave him a big embrace.

STRIKE TWO. . . . .

Last week, my youngest daughter came to me complaining of a toothache. It started at breakfast while she was eating her meal. Since waffle sticks and syrup were on the menu, I was pretty confident that she was trying to get out of eating her breakfast. Why she doesn't like that meal, I just don't know. So, as usual, we started school without her. She participated in our family devotions from the breakfast table and we went along our merry way doing our schoolwork. Once she actually did finish, she still complained about her tooth. I told her to go upstairs and brush her teeth and that should take care of it. I didn't hear anything more until after lunch. I did actually look in her mouth and saw nothing amidst the peanut butter and jelly sandwich that she had just consumed. I told myself that I would brush her teeth and actually take a good look later. Later didn't happen until bedtime when I actually took the time to brush her teeth and take a look at the lower back molar that she had been complaining about. When I looked I was shocked and ashamed, overwhelming feelings of guilt washed over me. Her tooth had looked like it had pieces that had cracked off and also had big brown spots on it. Not only did I feel guilty because I had brushed it off (Did I make a puny??) but also because at least one teeth brushing out of the day (we do it after breakfast and before bed) was either performed by one of the older kids or by my youngest daughter herself. And there are even days that I don't brush her teeth and she does it both times all by herself!!! Could this rotten tooth be because of neglect on my part?? All I could do was shake my head. And, of course, this was Friday. If I had taken the time early in the morning to actually look or even brush her teeth after her peanut butter and jelly lunch, I could have brought her to the dentist that day. But now, to make my guilty complex worse, she had to wait until the weekend was over. First thing Monday, I called the dentist for her to be seen. They squeezed her in and off we went. Her diagnosis: her enamel on her tooth didn't form correctly causing the tooth to become extra sensitive and soft making it more susceptible to cavities, which she did have. Culprit: most likely my illnesses during my pregnancy with her or just the simple fact that she is a third child and made of spare parts (know how that feels Em??). So, the dentists reminded me that this was beyond my control. It made me feel a little better but if I had taken the time to brush her teeth twice a day, we might have avoided the cavities. They didn't say that - I formed that hypothesis on my own. But the story gets worse. They had to drill her tooth down to get rid of the soft spots and also get rid of the cavity. In order to do this - nitrous oxide - laughing gas - make my daughter loopy gas- however you want to say it, had to be administered. I had to sign a consent form for them to do that and I started to tear up with memories of her going into surgery to have her adenoids removed. I watched as they put her under and will never forget the look in her eyes before she fell asleep. Talk about guilt. The dentists assured me that she would still be awake just a little sleepy. I signed the consent for her because I knew it would make her more comfortable. I told her what was going to happen and she said, "Just as long as my tooth stops hurting, I don't care momma." And so that attitude followed her to the dentists chair as they reclined her back, gave her some cool sunglasses to shade the bright light they were shining in her face, gave her a big fuzzy pillow to sit on, put what they referred to as her elephant nose on (the continuous nitrous) and drilled for 20-30 minutes as she lay back with her feet crossed at the ankles. No crying, no fussing, no talking, no squirming. She just didn't care. Me on the other hand, watching her go through that, I'm surprised I sat upright through the entire thing.

STRIKE THREE. . . . .

And to top of all those guilty mommy moments of late, here is another one. This morning was a typical school morning by myself. I get up, get ready, get the kids up, help my youngest get dressed and make her bed, do my middle daughters hair, yell at my son to actually get out of bed and then go downstairs to make breakfast. I call them when it's ready, they all come bounding down the steps, we eat breakfast, brush our teeth (now I brush Gab's teeth twice a day) and start school. We start with a devotional, prayer and the pledge to the flag. Then the teaching begins. Today, Jake had a test in Math. I went over the test and left him to take it. During that time, I start with Olivia on Math. For some reason she was having one of Jake's 'bonehead days' and couldn't for the life of her add nickels and dimes together, something she had mastered months ago. Instead, she started complaining, out of the blue, that her ear was hurting. Not only was she complaining, she started crying. Here we go again. You would think that after the last two incidents with my other two children that I would have learned my lesson. Apparently not. I told her she was fine and we kept on working on her money problems to which she continued to get all her problems wrong and continued to cry about her ear. I guess it's because of my daughters' tendency to overexaggerate and overdramatize most anything that I really didn't give a second thought to her behavior. I did touch her head to make sure she wasn't running a fever and she wasn't. Once again, I had that little voice in the back of my head telling me to slow down and evaluate what was happening here but me being me and my ability to 'shoot from the hip', I continued to press on with her Math and ignore the tears, the puffy eyes and that look that Olivia gets only when she really is sick. Finally, I had had enough and sent her to her room. If she wasn't feeling well, then she should just lay down. And I didn't send her up there to feel better, I sent her up there to punish her for being overly dramatic. I sent her up there because I couldn't control what was going on and get her to concentrate on her studies and ignore whatever imaginary ear pain that was bothering her. Yeah, I know, by now I sound like a real awful mom. After about another 30 minutes of the bawling, I gave her a dose of Tylenol just in case there really was something wrong. And after another 20 minutes after that, my maternal instinct voice took over and I called the doctor who would be able to see her immediately. We rushed over there, got right in, and within another 20 minutes found out that she indeed did have an ear infection. And right then at that very moment, I returned to motherhood as I evaluated all the signs that were right in front of my face - she had had a bad runny nose and cough just days before that I know full well has the potential, if it lingers, to put pressure on the ears causing an infection. And that is just a medical sign. I should have been able to look in her eyes and know her sick eyes, to know that she only gets that upset when she really is sick. I could have kicked myself again.

I'M OUT!!

These guilty mommy moments have not knocked me down. They have only reminded me that I am not perfect. It try to be, I really do but sometimes the stress of life just gets to me and I can't think straight. If anything, these incidents over the last few weeks have kept me in check. To control my temper because now my son is old enough to really be hurt by my outbursts and to remember them. To take a moment during my busy day to take care of the reason I exist at this time in my life - to be everything for my kids. And to listen to the signs - to realize that each child is different, with their own needs and their own way of handling them. Tomorrow will be a better day.

Fun in the Sun

2006-03-08T11:05:00.000-08:00

Another fun filled February in Florida. Hey, is that a tongue twister!! We had so much fun and to make it even better, my sister and her family shared it with us. Of course, the funniest part about her family is my Little Prissy niece. How could I resist her big smiles, slimy wet kisses, sleepy eyes and all around chubbiness?? I was privileged to be able to witness some of her firsts - swimming in the pool, sticking her little chubby toes in the ocean (Gulf of Mexico), feeling the sand on her face for the first time, looking at her little chubby legs in all her summer outfits, her first ride on a boat. And if you think this is all about Camille, I also enjoyed watching my kids be free and turn into water rats. They live in the pool and my little Gabi learned to swim half the length of the pool to her Pop Pop. My dad has taught all three of them to swim and had them swimming by the time they were 4 or 5. Gabi is right on target. Our days at the beach have also become much longer than in the past. I actually have to drag them all off these days after 3-4 hours or digging, throwing, constructing and now they've learned to also enjoy my most favorite part, just sitting and watching life go by. Of course, it's only for about 5 minutes but it's the thought that counts. The pictures speak better than this post.

Watching Life Go By

Sisters and Cousins

The Fam on Captiva Island

Photo Taken by Gabi

Bathing Beauties

Gabi Finally Gets to Touch a Manatee

Don't you just wanna kiss those chubby cheeks??

So that's what being tagged means!!

2006-02-15T17:14:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I actually had to ask my sister what being tagged means. Yes, she called me a "blogger dummy" or something mean and awful like that.

But anyway, my dear sweet cousin-in-law has tagged me. Here we go!

Four jobs I've had:
1. Gymnastics coach
2. Seasonal at the Honeybaked Ham Company (yummy!)
3. Nurse on an Alzheimer's Unit (now, when was that??)
4. Mommy

Four movies I can watch over and over:
1. Oceans 11/12
2. Mummy/Mummy Returns
3. Beaches
4. Anything with Harrison Ford in it (yummy!)

Four places I've lived:
1. Northern Virginia
2. Beaver Falls, PA
3. Bay Village, OH
4. Pencil Yuckey

Four TV shows I love:
1. Amazing Race
2. Baby Story
3. any Lifetime movie
4. I don't watch any others.

Four places I've vacationed:
1. Lake Erie Island
2. Nags Head
3. Jamaica
4. Cape Coral, Florida (where I vacation often)

Four of my favorite dishes:
1. anything out of my mom's kitchen
2. Chicken & Peanuts
3. Sun dried tomato chicken
4. Dill Pork Chops

Four sites I visit daily:
1. eBay
2. Hotmail
3. Fertility Friend.com
4. gymboree.com

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. no where, I'm in Florida soaking in the rays
2. shopping in Washington DC
3. sitting on the beach watching the sunset
4. on a boat

Four bloggers I am tagging:
1. Nobody - I don't know anyone else to tag!!!

Disconnected

2006-02-07T16:56:00.000-08:00

At the request of my daughter, we took a trip back to Cleveland last weekend. Maybe I should clarify that - my daughter wouldn't stop "beaking" about how she missed her old room, her Sunday school class, her old house, her old friends and most of all her best bud in the world, J.J. When I say "beaking", I am referring to the high pitched, fast talking, chitter chatter that my daughter seems to emulate at most times. She wouldn't stop "beaking" about Cleveland. Since we've moved I have encouraged the kids to talk about the things they miss and then to start focusing on the new things we have here. I've encouraged them to keep in contact with their old friends but to leave room to make new ones here. It got to a point weeks ago with my Olivia that I actually yelled at her, during one of her missing home times, that we weren't going back to our old house, get used to this one and move on. I felt awful for it but felt that I was at my wits end at trying to get her to accept our move and move on. That's when I realized that maybe a trip back to our old territory might be what she needed. I had made a trip back in the fall but for just a day and made an effort to stay away from driving down our old street and looking at our old house. It wasn't to bad and didn't hurt to much. For some reason, this time I was a little more concerned about the effect a trip back might have on me.

Since the holidays, this move has become much harder than I thought. It's not so much that I miss my friends but more the familiarity and connectedness of OH. I miss going to the grocery store and knowing the ladies at the deli counter, knowing where the post boxes are, knowing the backroads well enough to maneuver around an accident, the coziness of our home and how our house looks as the seasons change. I know what I need to do here in order to establish those feelings and I'm pretty proud of myself for stepping right in and doing the things I need to do to make this place home. I guess it's just not happening fast enough. It's that type A personality coming out, I want it my way in my time. Not this time though. It's been 5 months and although life isn't horrible, it still isn't perfect.

I figured that going back to OH might be a good hurdle to jump over. As we got closer and closer to those familiar highways, I had an overwhelming sense of sadness. My heart just ached. Ached for what used to be, for that familiarity of those 10 years of my life. The kids were elated to be able to recognize where we were and where we were going. Our first stop was to see our J.J. at her school. To see the girls in her arms again brought a great sense of relief to me and I'm sure brought overwhelming peace to the girls hearts. She had been the one that they missed the most and the one that they really needed to see. It seemed that Olivia had formed this sense that OH had just fallen off the face of the earth. That we had taken her from her only home and now it didn't exist. I guess that is the reality that is formed in a 6 year old child's mind. Being there, in J.J.'s arms, being held by her hero, I knew that her reality would be changed now. That she would know that even though we moved away, OH and the things she knew, still existed.

For me, I had some people to visit and places to see (mostly shopping places). All I can say after my experience, is that life goes on. Things change, regardless of the fact that I have moved on and I want things to stay the same, people and things move on. A few new buildings went up in our old town, they finished working on the bridge and opened both lanes up, a new restaurant was built in the mall parking lot. But not only physical things, relationships move on and change. Those that I was so proud of and so connected too became something I don't want to be a part of anymore. Places of fellowship become more of a social breeding ground and miss the purpose of their existence. I was surprised to feel these things. I didn't expect them. It's funny how sometimes your own expectations of a situation can change your whole reality. I'm glad I did it. I'm glad I was able to see these friendships and situations in a new light. It makes me realize that maybe there isn't as much to come back to as I thought. I still don't feel connected in our new home or even very familiar with this place but at least I'm trying and putting myself out there in new situations and relationships. It's weird because I'm not connected to anything now. In time that will change but what a weird place to be in my life - disconnected.

Here are some pictures of the kids and some of their old friends.

The kids and their J.J.

Kara and Kyle

Olivia and Catherine

Spencer and William

Gabi and her future husband

Lawsuit Brewing

2006-01-28T18:15:00.000-08:00

Is there a place where I can turn in the genes that have been distributed to me and replace them for newer better ones?? If there is such a place, would someone please tell me?? There is a gene that has been part of my genetic makeup since I was born that I'd like to trade in for a new one. And it really doesn't have to be new, it can just be different.

Last month, when I was in NY taking care of my newborn niece, I stubbed my toe on the foot of my sisters bed. I stub my toes often. As a matter of fact, I had stubbed that exact same toe over the summer. And it wasn't any place dramatic or a cramped space where my big ole flippers wouldn't fit, it was the back of my daughters foot because I was following to close behind her and she stopped suddenly. This time, it hurt really bad. My brother-in-law felt responsible because it was his house and I stubbed my foot on his bed. Yeah, like I'm going to sue you or something. As usual, that toe became really swollen and black and blue. The bruising even extended part way down my foot. I had a hard time walking for days and unlike the summer time when I can go barefoot, I had an even harder time wearing shoes. Well, this little situation went on for several weeks. Some of the swelling went down and some of the bruising went away but after 3 weeks, it still looked pretty nasty. It still hurt to bend it and I was still having a hard time finding shoes that didn't hurt it.

This week, I went to my gymnastics class without thinking twice about the condition of my toe. As we started increasing the intensity of our tumbling, I noticed immediately that my toe was extremely painful. One of the girls that I work out with is an athletic trainer and I had her look at it. She took one look at it and immediately knew that it was broken. "BROKEN!! YOU"VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!", I yelled at her. From my own medical background, I know there isn't much, if anything you can do for a broken toe. My friend suggested that I tape the broken toe together with his stronger buddy next to him and give it another 3-5 weeks to heal. Maybe I might act on my first impulse and sue my brother-in-law after all.

But after much discussion with my sister, she pointed out something very enlightening about my ensuing lawsuit. It wasn't my brother-in-law that I should sue, it was my father. After all, he is the one that passed on that horrid KLUTZ Gene to me. Ask any of my kids and they will tell you that their Pop Pop is the Master Klutz. And the sad thing is that that gene has been passed down to my kids. How sad. It is evidenced when my younger daughter is walking out of my room talking to me and runs into the door or when my son is walking to Ft. Myers Beach (he was about 3) not paying a darn bit of attention and runs into a lightpost. Yes, a lighpost. And to this day, whenever we pass that lightpost on Ft. Myers Beach, we pay homage to it. My son, now at 8, doesn't appreciate the humor. But what he will remind you of and will say to you is this, "Hey, don't blame me, it's Pop Pop's fault. He's the one that gave us the Klutz Gene." I can't argue with him on that one. And whenever they do do something klutzy, they feed me that same line. And most of the time, I just can't fault them for it because it is true. We all have the dreaded Klutz Gene. So, now I think I'm going to switch my focus to my father.. So, watch out, expect to be served.

THE EVIDENCE

Just in case it's hard to see . . .

Studying, Are We??

2006-01-23T18:08:00.000-08:00

One of the joys of homeschooling is being able to do what you want, when you want and how you want! Ahh, total autonomy (besides the guidelines set forth by the state)! And anyone who knows me knows that I don't like being told what to do. During my formidable years, their was many a complaint about me stating, "She has a problem with authority." Well, duh, I am the authority and I should be telling YOU what to do. So when it came time to make the decision about my son's education, we chose to homeschool so we wouldn't have a school system having the authority over our lives. That we could teach him the best way for his learning syle and that we could continue to enjoy our travel benefits even during "school days". That he could learn on his own pace without being held back by slower kids or kids who were just in school to goof off.

Since we are schooling our son, now at a 4th grade level, and our middle daughter, now at a 1st grade level, our school day has become much longer and busier. One of our focuses in teaching our middle daugher is to make her reading skills as strong as possible. Now six years old, she has been reading since she was 4 1/2, she is almost finished with a second grade reading program. A majority of the time, I sit with her and listen to her read to help her sound out words or point our mispronounced words. But sometimes, I need to to switch the laundry real fast, make a quick phone call, or put our youngest daughter down for a nap (yes, at 4 1/2 years she still naps). So, I will put our son in charge of listening to our daughter read for a few minutes while I complete my task. When I got back to the two of them today, this is how I found them . . .

I wasn't sure if I needed to reprimand them for goofing off or congratulate them on multi-tasking two subjects, reading and gymnastics (or what I would consider in school P.E. - Physical Education). Instead, I just laughed and took a picture.

Grocery Store Snob

2006-01-12T13:50:00.000-08:00

I would say that one of my happier memories of my childhood (there aren't many) was the smell of my mom's kitchen. That woman knows how to cook. I should be ashamed of myself for not taking the time when I was growing up to learn all I could from her about cooking. Now instead, I have to pay the long distance phone bill for sometimes weekly phone calls for cooking questions. I've even followed her around the country via phone, pulling her off of loading docks to ask questions about cooking. I liked watching her cook, I liked eating the food and I even enjoyed helping her shop for the ingredients. I learned very quickly that she only used certain name brands for certain products that she used in her recipes. And that those name brands sometimes made a difference in the quality. I also gained an appreciation for the grocery stores that we shopped and the grocery stores that we just didn't set foot in.

When I lived in Ohio, we had several different grocery stores to choose from. I mainly did my shopping at one certain one because of the price, cleanliness, coupons they offered and special incentive programs they ran. They also carried the name brands that I had grown up with as a child and recognized as safe. As our ten years went by in Ohio and we continued to move closer and closer to Lake Erie, I continued to shop at that store. The main one I went to had several face lifts and additions through the years. It soon had it's own video store, sushi bar, and Chinese buffet. I spent so much time in that one location that the people at the deli counter and seafood counter knew me by name and always gave the kids special treats. One lady at the deli counter had even looked at my youngest daughter and said, "My, she sure does look like your husband.". That location felt like home to me. Every once and a while, when time was of the essence or we weren't anywhere close to that store, we would stop in the "higher end" grocery store. You know the kind - prices are higher, you don't recognize half the brands in the store or sometimes even the products, they actually count the number of items you have in the speedy checkout lane and frown upon you if you've tried to sneak in that extra item or two. And then, there was the grocery store that after my 10 years in OH, I stepped foot in only one time. I would consider this the "lower end" on the grocery store chain. They rarely had good sales, the store was dirty and you were afraid to approach the deli counter because of the smell.

When we started talking about moving to Pennsyltuckey, one of the first questions I had asked my mother-in-law and my hubby's uncle (who both already live in the area), was the names of the different grocery stores. What I really meant to ask but didn't want to come across as a snob was, "Which ones are the 'higher end'?". I soon became familiar with what I would call your every day grocery store. This would be the one that I would do all of my main shopping for the month - for their sales, convenience of location and so on. And then, I was reintroduced to a grocery store that would make my "higher end" store in OH look like a "lower end" store. This store has been my saving grace. I know it seems silly but in the first few weeks, I went there about 2-3 times a week. Just to walk around, enjoy the ambiance, pick up some sushi for dinner but most of all to enjoy my most favorite treat at the bakery counter, chocolate mousse. I still get one of these every Wednesday night as a treat when my kids are at church. For me, it's the little things that count. This place has everything you could think of - it's own cafe with fresh made exotic sandwiches every day at lunchtime, fabulous fresh seafood and the best cuts of meats at the meat counter, it has a train track in the ceiling in the dairy department (my kids enjoy getting milk and yogurt), a place to weigh and label your own produce, an olive bar and a hummus bar, fresh made sushi - I could go on and on.

But the point of this post, isn't to make you hungry, it is to give you more of a glimpse into what makes me, me. This last week, I made the fatal mistake of stopping into one of those "lower end" stores just to pick up a few quick things. Oh, my. Never will I set foot in that store again. I was greeted with memories of the store back in OH. The odd brands, the dirt and grime on the floor, that strange smell coming from the deli department, the weird color of the meats in the meat department. Yes, I would save about 20-30 cents per item at this store but I have to tell you that I would gladly spend the extra money at my "higher end" store just to walk on clean floors, play with the weight machine in the produce section and stand and look up at the train going by in the dairy section. I like the ambiance.

I am my mother's daughter. There are just some grocery stores you don't set foot in. I am proud to state and admit that yes, I am a grocery store snob.

A New Cousin to Love

2006-01-04T19:52:00.000-08:00

WELCOME CAMILLE EILEEN!!

Finally, on Tuesday, December 27 at 4:50 something in the morning, little Miss Camille "Miss Priss" Eileen was born. She weighed in at a healthy 9 pounds 7 ounces and was 21 inches long. What an experience her birth was.

I got the phone call Christmas Day evening. I was at my in-laws house for dinner. I had been on the phone with my mom the entire drive down in the car. When we got to my in-laws and I hung up, I looked at my phone and thought, "I don't need to bring it in". My cell phone had been "on call" for weeks just in case she went into labor and I wasn't at home. And of course, the one time I don't have it on me, she goes into labor. Maybe because I didn't have my cell phone with me and she had to search frantically for my in-laws number, she went in to labor. Now that I think about it, I think I deserve a thank you for that.

We left the next morning, no, she still hadn't had the baby and arrived about 1:30p.m. When I say we, I mean myself and the 3 kids. When we got there, she was asleep and very exhausted. Now I can appreciate what she went through when she watched me labor. And I can appreciate why my mom chose to stay away during the time her daughter was laboring - it was really hard to see her like that and brought tears to my eyes just looking at her in so much discomfort. But once I got over the initial emotions, I knew I had a job to do, not only for her and her husband but for my kids. They were ecstatic to find out that there favorite aunt would be having a baby. If I could have gotten a dollar for every time one of them asked me, "Did she have the baby yet?", I would be very rich. The process was a great experience for them. We had several child lead discussions about where babies come from and how babies come out. They can all appreciate now that babies just don't show up one day at your doorstep being held by a stork. They've been through the hours and hours and waiting and waiting of labor. I helped the kids prepare for what was ahead by having them watch Baby Story on TLC, so I felt confident that they were aware of what kind of pain and discomfort my sister would be going through and that when the baby came out, she wouldn't be dressed and all cute but would be covered in blood and guck and probably screaming her head off.

To make a long story a tad bit shorter, my sister labored for 36 hours. And yes, we stayed there through most of it. The kids started to get impatient late Monday nite and I explained to them that if they wanted to be there as soon as the baby came out, we just had to wait. I also made them understand that if I missed the baby's birth, that I was going to be really upset because I had Em wanted me there and she wanted my help. So, about 10 p.m. on Monday nite, I went to the car, got their blankets and pillows, Princy's and RockAByes, and bedded them down in the waiting room for the nite. My son slept under a table on a bunch of blankets and each of the girls slept on a couch in the waiting room. And for those of you that think it can't be done, yes, you can look at your child at 11pm and force them to go to sleep. It takes a little time, perserverance and patience but it can be done. At 3:50 a.m. on Tuesday morning, Emmys' husband came to get me to tell me that she was fully dilated and ready to push. Since the kids were asleep and the waiting room was only a few doors away from Em's room, I left them and went to help Em labor. What an experience that was. Between her contractions and strong pushing efforts, I would run to check on the kids. It didn't surprise me that my 6 yr old was the only one awake and asking if the baby had been born yet. I told her no and asked if she wanted to come see Em push her out. She said she did and I picked her up and walked her just a few steps into the room. I had the nurse point out where the baby's head was coming out and my daughter was amazed. She clung to me tight and said that was enough, she had seen what she wanted and now would wait a little more patiently in the waiting room. Em's nurse was a homeschooling mom. I was very thankful for that because she could appreciate my kids desire to be part of this great learning experience. She could also understand that my kids could handle sitting in the waiting room without constant supervision and wouldn't rip the room apart. That is just how they are. I won't go into the details of the rest of Em's labor and postpartum experience, you can read that at her blog. I do have to say that I am extremely proud of my kids for their outstanding behavior and drive to be part of Camille's birth. They got to see her and hold her within 20 minutes of her birth. They slept in the waiting room to await the birth of a baby. And during Em's postpartum period, they spent 9 hours a day for 2 days playing in the family waiting room. It was normal to find one of my kids walking the halls of the mother and baby unit to get themselves a drink, go to the bathroom or just come down to Em's room to see what was going on. One of the nurses said to me, "It looks like they know their way around this unit." And yes, after being there basically from Monday to Thursday nite, they had made themselves at home.

I say thank you to them. For once again, showing me that the minutes, hours, weeks, months and years that I have dedicated to making them well rounded, open minded, flexible, learning experience seeking children have paid off. That I can expect so much of them and they are always up to meet that challenge. I wish the same mentality on my newborn niece. I am confident that she will be raised to see the world with open eyes and an open mind. That she too will be able to experience so much of life before she is even two!

Just born

Our newest cousin

First bath

Baby Lulu girls

Another niece for me (she was sleeping and didn't want to be disturbed)