Can I get off now???

Ok, you've heard me complain about having to much to juggle and all the things that go into my life?? I think I'm starting to drop some balls. When you have way to many of them coming at you, one tends to drop some of them. Let me explain some of the stressors right now that are making me all thumbs.

1. My latest attachment on my arm. Yep, I recognize that this is the one and only way to clear up this bone infection. I keep telling myself that and during the day, I'm excellent at believing myself. But, for some reason, come nighttime, all that work of tricking myself goes to the birds. I wake up in the middle of the night, if I'm lucky enough to fall asleep, with anxiety attacks. You would too if everytime you rolled over, you were concerned you'd crunch the tube attached from your inner arm to your heart.

2. The amazing shrinking base (company) we call Cleveland (Continental hub). Isn't it a great thing that T got to get back to Continental after spending 3 years furloughed to Continental Express as a direct result of Sept. 11? One would think. The company just has other plans for their pilots. Now they can't decide if they want to give their pilots paycuts AGAIN, or just go into bankruptcy. Hmmm . . . .

3. My last post. Although it didn't affect me directly, it has made a major impact on our family.

4. My poor T's awful commute. Since Dec, he has been based in Newark, NJ and not our home of Cleveland. For a pilot, this can be a real pain in the neck. Sure your flight is done at 10 p.m. but you're done in NJ not in OH. This has reeked some major havoc on our lives these past months. He has been gone upwards of 6 1/2 kid days in a row (his days at work are measured in how long I am on my own with the kids). This brings me to point number four.

4. We could move out to the NJ area (actually the Allentown area which is more affordable). But can't because of issue two.

If anybody has the key to stop this ride, I'd like to get off now.

Goodbye Baby Jonhsy #1

I have to tell you that I held out hope as long as I could. I didn't want to believe that you were actually gone and that we would never have a chance to meet you. We will always remember you and that you were the first.

And to your mommy - I can't imagine what you are going through. I never even entertained the fact when I was conceiving my own children that they wouldn't make it. I took it for granted that when I got pregnant, I stayed pregnant. I remember those feelings of elation when we found out for the first time. All those dreams of finally getting the one thing that I have wanted since I was a teenager - being a mommy. And now those dreams just got ripped from their existence for you. How painful that must be. No pregnancy will be easy for you now, you will always wonder, always doubt, always see the glass half empty. I wouldn't blame you. But, as I'm sure you've seen, you're not the only one. That shouldn't make it easier or lessen the pain you feel but it should at least make you feel surrounded with hope. Hope that others, your close friends, have been through this and ultimately, in the end, have been able to fulfill their dreams - the same dream you and I possess. Be patient, little one, your time will come. I love you.

Look at what they did to me!!!

Remember my little accident in the kitchen?? If you don't, scroll down until you see the picture of the sliced finger. Ahh, now it is coming back to you. Well, I first have to preface this by saying that I never had any real injuries or drama when I was growing up. No broken bones ( my sis Emmy had them all for me), no stitches, no major illnesses. There was an occasional stubbed toe nail and shin splints from my gymnastics catastrophes but nothing that made me feel special because I had a big boo boo. Now, in my adult hood, I think I'm trying to make up for all those childhood accidents that I avoided. Don't get me wrong, I am a clutz and I have a VERY dominent clutz gene. That clutz gene is so strong that is has not only passed onto my own three children but via airborne methods, has passed onto my husband. Clutzes run in the family. Case in point - my dad's latest visit to Europe. Apparently, Clutz Gene Number One was crossing a street and not watching where his feet were going. He splatted in the middle of the road and his high tech camera went for a sail. Luckily, he ended up with only minor cuts and bruises and the camera, to my surprise, didn't shatter on the street. But what Clutz Gene Number One didn't realize until it was way to late, days to late, was that his memory stick that held the 150 pictures that he had taken of their visit - flew out of that camera. Clutz. So, this is what I have ended up with from my sliced a finger - a PICC line. Don't know what the initials stand for but it is basically a catheter that goes in my basillic vein and threads all the way to my superior vena cava (the entrance to one of the chambers of the heart). Sound fun, huh?? I have to give myself IV antibiotics 3 times a day for the next 4 weeks. And what is this for. Here's the kicker. Apparently when they cleaned my finger off to put the stitches in in the ER - they didn't do a really good job. There is a bug called Staph that lives happily on your skin, when it gets into your blood stream - it reaks havoc. That little bug has now caused a bone infection in my finger called osteomylitis. I can't really feel any pain but my finger is still very swollen after 3 rounds of oral antibiotics. All from one little kitche accident. Clutz.

Welcome Morgan Leigh Peterson!!!

Morgan Leigh Peterson - March 3, 2005 - 2:21 a.m. - 5 lbs. 8 oz., 19 inches

You made it! Congratulations! I JUST can't believe you are a GIRL ! Oh my goodness! The things I'm going to need to teach you - learning to dress yourself in girl clothes will definitely be at the top of the list! Remember what I just said about your mommy, just one post ago?? Yeah, don't think I was kidding! I will have to get together some pictures of us when we were younger just so you know that I was telling the truth!

Well, baby girl, I am so glad you are here - safe and sound. I wish I could be there to hold you and touch you in these upcoming newborn days of yours. You will grow so fast and I probably won't be able to see you until you're several months old. That's okay, though, I can still shop for you! Ask mommy everyday if the post man brought you something from Aunt Jenni! I already love you and I haven't even met you. I anxiously await that day.