Grow Up

The price of maturity.

My husband and I have talked about that issue so many times in our almost 13 years of marriage. Sometimes it's good to be an adult. And sometimes it just plain stinks. Sometimes we relish in the ability to be grown up and other times, we are forced to make decisions that hurt the ones we love. Sometimes setting boundaries and lowering expectations in a relationship can on one end of the spectrum push away the ones we love and on the other end enhance the quality of that relationship.

We often look back at our relationship and decisions that were made in our early years of marriage and we cringe. We cringe at how immature and stupid we were. And I'm sure that a decade from now we'll cringe at our decisions and how we handle relationships now. But for the mean time, we are learning from our mistakes and trying to steer our life and relationships to a place that is harmonious.

My sister and her husband, my family and I recently returned from a trip to visit family members in NY. It was for a very important 100th birthday party for my dad's aunt (which is my great aunt and my kid's great great aunt). This fantastic lady is basically my dad's mother figure since his mom passed when he was very young. I don't see this side of the family often and this celebration gave me the opportunity to make an attempt to reconnect. It still took me a little bit to try and remember all the names of the people present and how they were related to me. My oldest daughter was surprised that her Pop Pop (my dad) even had a sister and that she actually had "big" cousins. Her interest in getting to know these people and the reciprocated interest that her "big" cousins, aunts and uncles took in getting to know her (and her brother and sister) made me realize that I needed to pay more attention to cultivating a relationship with this side of the family.

And that, my friends, is where the theme of this post come in.

Any chance at being close with this side of the family was taken away when my parents divorced. I grew up differently then my cousins. Besides the fact that my parents were divorced, our parents held different norms and values. And because of that, we formed different opinions, mentalities, and ways of thinking. In order to cultivate this relationship, I have to maintain a mature attitude, to sort of grow up in a way. I have to move beyond the differences, not necessarily agreeing to disagree but realizing that not everyone has to be like me. And that's okay. I'm a big girl now.

Generations

Sisters

Uncles and Cousins