After my son's brush with death that day, we had two more similar incidents within days of each other. Granted, they weren't as bad, but still way out of line and out of character for him. I was thrilled that Tom actually got to witness one of his challenging moments in public. It happened at his last choir performance. Yes, in front of all the other choir members and their parents. I could have sunk into the chair. As we both sat there racking our brains for the precipitated for these actions, something that my sister-in-law had said popped into my head. I was telling her about Jakes' brush with death at my therapy appointment and she had said, "You know, he's under a lot of stress with the move." Huh, I thought, I just wonder. Tom and I had made sure that we talked to the kids about the upcoming change in their lives. We continued to question them and encourage them to voice their feelings. Jake, in particular, being the oldest, seemed to understand our reasonings for moving and seemed to be okay with it. But my son, being the rabbit ears that he is, had probably been listening more intently than we had thought at our casual conversations at the dinner table about the move. That night, after the choir performance, after the girls had been put to bed, we decided to have a little chat. It was about his behavior that night and the days before but mostly about exactly what was to be happening in the next few months concerning the move. My son is Type A, just like his momma. He's a planner, an organizer, a neat freak (about certain peculiar things)and he just has to know what's going on - just like his momma. I could EMPATHIZE with him - I know how it FEELS to be out of control and not know what's going on (my childhood in a nutshell). So, I entered that conversation telling him the things that I would want to know about the move. I pulled out a calendar and walked him through the events that would be occurring - the day the packers come and pack up our things, the day the moving van comes to load up, the day we say goodbye to our house, the day we drive to PA and sign the papers and get the key and the day the moving truck brings our things to our new house. I showed him the floor plan of the model we had chosen - used my finger to walk him through the rooms and hallways. I even gave him a choice between two rooms that could be his own. He eagerly chose the room in the front of the house. I watched his eyes as I ran through that exercise and I was amazed at how attentive and inquisitive he became. I could tell, it was just what he needed.
A few days after that, it was just the icing on the cake for him. We actually took him to the site in PA where the house was to be built. We let him touch and see the place where the house was to be built. Here they are standing in the driveway of our new home -
The model home happened to be the model we had chosen - it even had the garage on the same side as our house would be. This company doesn't furnish their models at all. It was great for the kids because they got to walk - and sometimes run - through the rooms without destroying any furniture! Here is a picture of our model - the Vancouver. Our outside will be siding and shutters, not the masonry front -
I had them start thinking about where they would put their furniture and especially their beds. It was funny to watch. Olivia actually laid down on the floor to see what it would look like from various angles in her room. Gabi decided to put her best baby's bed, RockABye, in the closet. For those that know the relationship Gabi has with that doll, I'm sure she'll change her mind. Poor RockABye. Jake is already set on where his bed, dresser and desk will go. We took Jake and Olivia with us when we went to pick out our design options for the house. This included stuff like the color/style of the lighting, stain and color for the hardwoods we chose for the foyer and color for the front of the house. Beforehand, we had driven around the community and looked at some of the other houses and color schemes. I loved listening to their opinions. Here is the color our family like the best for our new house (of course, this isn't our model- this is one of the most expensive ones the builder has)-
Well, I can say now that my son has come off the wall and decided to be himself. Our little "orientation" talk and that trip to the homesite really helped him to feel more in control. Of course, if our house doesn't sell, we aren't going anywhere. Another post in itself.
