Come Back To Me

It's amazing how fast your life can change. You go along and then BAM one day everything is different. I've always waited for the other shoe to drop and I think the entire closet just unloaded on me. The time is now. How is is that you think you know what you want, you get it, and then you don't want it anymore? How do you handle that? I just don't know. I don't have the answers now. I sure wish I did.

I heard this song on XM last week and came home immediately to find the lyrics. It's called "Come Back To Me" by David Cook. This is what I need.

You say you gotta go and find yourself
You say that you're becoming someone else
Don't recognize the face in the mirror
Looking back at you

You say you're leavin
As you look away
I know theres really nothin left to say
Just know i'm here
Whenever you need me
I'll wait for you

So i'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me

Take your time i wont go anywhere
Picture you with the wind in your hair
I'll keep your things right where you left them
I'll be here for you

Oh and i'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me

And i hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
You find you come back to me

I can't get close if your not there
I can't get inside if theres no soul to bear
I can't fix you i can't save you
Its something you have to do

So i'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me
Come back to me
So i'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me

And i hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
You find you come back to me

When you find you come back to me
When you find you come back to me
When you find you come back to me

Taking Some Lessons From Alanis

It's been fourteen years of investment

It's been one foot in and one foot out

It's been fourteen days full of shit

And I feel snuffed out

It's been 36 years of restraining

Of trying to control this tumult

How I did invest in such fantasy

But my nervous system has worn out

I feel done

I feel raked over coals

I've repeated this dance ad nauseaum

There's still something to learn that I've not

I"m told to see this as divine perfection

But my bones don't feel this perfection

I"ve spent my life hovering above bottom

Thinking I can't survive whats below

But I've known through the kicking and screaming

That there was no other direction to go

I feel done

I feel raked over coals

And all that remains is the case

That it's a bitch to grow up

I Skipped Christmas

Deserved

Today was a special day for Miss Olivia. She has been working particularly hard on a gymnastics skill on the uneven bars and finally mastered it. As a reward, we took her and a fellow gymnast out to get a special manicure and pedicure. She was all about it and looked so grown up sitting there with her feet in the little tub. I know she was in her glory.

CONGRATULATIONS OLIVIA!!!

Add Another

I figured I'd better get this out before I have to do it again in a few days for daughter number 2. So, pardon the post dating!

HAPPY 7th BIRTHDAY GABI!!!

Her Pop Pop was in for the day and that really added to her day. All she wanted to do was go to Build-A-Bear Workshop that day. She actually wanted to take a bunch of friends with her to which I quickly said 'No' to after calculating the price. I think it's a silly concept. I'm not a stuffed animal lover, I think they are a waist of money but she insisted so we took the trip to the mall to pick out a deflated stuffed friend. She picked a panda bear, stuffed it with fluff, gave it a voice (it giggles), we all added a little heart to the inside of it and I even threw in a wedding dress for the stupid thing. The one thing that I failed to notice as we left the house was my darling daughter's outfit. As she stepped out of the van at the mall, I couldn't help but notice her little denim shorts and then as I continued looking down, the black riding boots that she had chosen to wear with them.

Gabi's new friend from Build-A-Bear

. . .and her latest fashion statement

What can I say, she's a Foo!!

Yep, Still There

Today is September 11.

Who remembered?

Probably the whole country.

Well, let me tell you, I haven't forgotten.

I was at lunch yesterday with a friend talking nonsense, when he happened to mention that it would be September 11 tomorrow. My demeneor immediately changed.

This morning we watched CNN in New York. We observed the moment of silence to commemorate when the first plane hit the World Trade Center.

It still hurt. Tears still came to my eyes.

I will never forget.

Abbreviated

It's come that time again. I can't believe it came so soon but it is here. It approaches with apprehension and gritting of teeth. I don't think I can do it like last year. Those expectations are so high. It's always been a coming together of fun times, relaxing with siblings and sharing in the burden of the things we choose to do. But oh, the patience it takes. The patience it takes to keep a level head. I know I just can't do it this year. Pam changed that. Her death has sent all of us into a tail spin. I am coming to realize that sometimes you don't realize the impact someone has on your life until they are gone. We are finding that out. And we are finding that the energy and emotion it took to deal with the events surrounding Pam's death and funeral have made a major impact on our desire and ability to just pack up and come together. I know I am not alone in these feelings.

But we did it anyway. Abbreviated as it was, we did it anyway. Camp GrandMAMA might not have been the magnitude it was in the past but all 8 of those kids came together at my house to do things and visit places you can only do at Camp GrandMAMA.