Saying Goodbye

Yes, I am post dating this. At this day and time, my computer was packed in the back of my van, my monitor, keyboard, mouse and printer was somewhere on that semi-truck. This picture was taken as the Bekins moving van was pulling out of our street to bring our household belongings to who knows where. You talk about a very strange feeling. To watch your life all packed away on one semi-truck and then driving away from you. I felt like running after it!! No, don't go, I want to stay!!

What a hard day this has been. The movers came at 11 a.m. and didn't finish loading the van until 8:30 pm or so. The kids stayed with their favorite friend/babysitter JJ until 7 pm when she had to go to a class. Let me tell you, that was a hard goodbye. By that time, everyone was exhausted and ready to just get this move over with. The kids entertained themselves by riding up and down the sidewalks on the movers dolly's (sp?). That lasted for a little while until Gabi fell off one and scraped her back. I finally asked our neighbor to take them to McD's for dinner. By the time she got back and the kids had eaten most of their dinner, believe it or not, it was time to go. After the moving truck left, we had to do what we had all been dreading most of the day, say good bye. It was so weird being in the house and having it be totally empty. I just wanted it over with. Our poor kitties had been locked in the bathroom all day and I wanted to collect them and just go. I went upstairs to get them and wouldn't you know that someone had left the bathroom door open and my kitties had escaped. "Um, it's an empty house, how hard can it be to find 2 kitties?", you ask. Let me tell you, when kitties don't want to be found, it's very hard. Our oldest was stupid enough to hide behind a door, she was easily found, and eagerly walked into the cat cage. Our youngest, wasn't as easy to find. By this time, it was about 8:45 pm, mostly dark by now, we have no lights in the house, and to top it all off, the cat is black!! We looked for a while and had no luck, the kids were following behind me getting very upset thinking about the prospect of having to leave their kitty behind. And in the back of my mind, I was scared about the same thing. Tom borrowed a neighbors flashlight and we scoured every rafter in the basement and ended up finding her in the highest, most remote rafter down there. Poor kitty. Ok, that crisis is over. At that point, I just wanted to get the leaving part over with. I couldn't stand it anymore.

We all said goodbye to our rooms, locked the front door from the inside and left out the garage door. Tom punched in the code, for the last time, and the garage door closed on 6 years of our lives. I quickly walked down the driveway. Olivia started crying and Tom swept her up in his arms and held her tight. I had Gabi's hand in mine and looked back to see Jake just standing at the garage door. He just ran his hand over the door, touching it ever so gently and whispered good bye. That memory will be forever etched in my mind. Good bye 26716 Osborn Road.

Thank you . . .

to two people. One, to Marianne. I can't thank you enough for getting me through that rough night. To you, your words might have seemed harsh but to me, they were exactly what I needed. I can't thank you enough for getting me on the right track and helping me to refocus. And that brings me to my second thank you - that would be to Veronica Penmer. For wanting to buy my house, move in it ASAP and wanting to pay me rent so she can occupy it before hand. And I guess, first and foremost, I should be thanking God for bringing these two special people into my life. If it weren't for them, I don't think I would have made it through these last few days.

Can someone pick me up??

Yes, believe it or not, I'm not going to back date this post as I always seem to do. This past month has been a wild ride and believe it or not, we're still riding it! The month of July is always very special and hectic for us. Besides Tom's bday, Jake's bday and my bday we also have 2 extended family member birthdays thrown in there. No more July birthdays!! We have seemed to fall into the tradition of having my dad and his wife here for the Fourth of July and it has now become tradition to have a picnic with our family and his wife's family. We have also added having my nephew stay with us for 2 weeks during that time. And since we didn't have enough family here during that time, we have also enjoyed my sister and her family coming up for our Fourth of July tradition. To add to that, we have started a tradition of going to my mom's house for a week in Washington DC the middle of July. All the grandkids and my sisters come and enjoy the week of fellowship. Can you say busy?? So, now do you know where I've been for the past month? Am I excused from not posting?? Thank you!

I must say that I didn't think I would be posting this this late in the process but here I go. Our house has neither sold nor rented. Yes, that's true, our settlement date is exactly 13 days from today. Interesting isn't it?? Why haven't we gotten off this ride yet?? I have no idea but I can tell you that I'm spent. I lost all hope and have no more faith. This was a faith walk, right? I sure thought so. We both believed that the Lord was taking us out there for a purpose. He had called us out there beyond both of our better judgements. We loved where we are, why would we want us to move? Hey, who am I to question? We stepped out. Left our comfort zone. Took a leap of faith - against the better judgements of certain family members. Walked in obedience. We've been given little "breadcrumbs", as I like to call them, along the way - little pieces of Him that show us that we're heading down the right road. We've even met opposition from the other side causing us to ask why we would even want to be close to that. But yet, we still walk. It's WALKING in faith, not sitting. And we've walked my friend, yes, we've walked. And now, I'm tired and weak and done walking. He continues to remain silent when I need answers the most. He talks about perserverance - now I know what He's talking about. When I want to give up and am to weak to walk, it is then that I need to be carried. Someone better pick me up. The lyrics to HELD by Natalie Grant seem to say so much right now

Held
(Christa Wells)
Christa Wells, a part-time songwriter and stay-at-home mom of three in North Carolina wrote this song in response to two very difficult losses that happened within 48 hours. And for her, I think it must have been one of those total shake-your-fist-at-God moments where you cry, “Why God?” These are the things in life that we cannot understand or explain, and the lyrics reflect that honesty. God didn’t promise us we’d be okay or that life would be easy. My faith does not protect me from pain, but it provides me with peace. God only promises us that when we suffer, when we’re in pain, we’ll be held in His arms through every circumstance.
Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling
Who told us we’d be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares
Were asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, it’s unfair
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We’d be held
This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We’d be held
If hope if born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait, for one hour
Watching for our savior
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We’d be held