The JENN Voodoo Doll

Ok, ok, now you can get off the floor. I actually am posting twice in one week and not post dating. I would have actually posted the day after my last post but I wanted to give everyone a chance to read my last one. If you haven't read it, you need to do so before you read this one or you won't get the significance.

I really believe that the gods in heaven are holding a Jenn voodoo doll and have been poking it religiously over the past few weeks. And then they decided to hit it with a rock the day after my last post. Remember my last line, "Tomorrow will be a better day."??? I went to bed that night motivated to change my behavior regarding my children. I woke up the next morning and boy did I have the best situation to try it out on. I was on my own that day and started my routine of getting the kids up and ready for school. I was helping my youngest get her bed made and get dressed. After she was dressed, I was getting her hair brushed and had planned on doing French braids for her. My daughters love braids and what they love even more is sleeping in them and then waking up the next day and having curly hair - since both my genes and my husbands genes mix to make poker straight hair, curly hair is a treat. French braiding also takes a little time, which I don't have much of in the morning. So, this was a special treat for them and a way for me to feel good about mothering. As I was brushing her hair, and you probably know what is coming, I noticed a chunk missing on one side. I honestly didn't think anything of it. The last person that had cut her hair had angled it on the sides to help blend in the shorter, thinner hairs on the side of her face. I also was the one that had given Gabi her bath the night before, brushed her hair and then had put her to bed and noticed nothing with her hair. As I sat their brushing, I couldn't believe that the last person who had cut her hair had botched up her sides so bad. So, just out of curiosity, I asked Gabi if she had cut her hair to which she replied, 'no'. I also called her brother and sister in and asked them the same question to which I received adamant no's from both of them. I am very good about noticing when my kids are lying and I was pretty sure that the older two weren't but not so sure about my youngest. I kept badgering her with the question until she finally hung her head low and admitted her wrongdoing. You would be proud of me internet friends because I didn't yell, I didn't scream and believe it or not, I didn't smack her. Yes, I am a smacking kind of mom. What flashed before my eyes was when my oldest daughter had done the exact same thing but only worse. She had taken a chunk off right at her scalp. I was so furious with her that my husband had to hold her back from me because he thought I was going to kill her. That is figuratively, of course. For Gabi, I was very shocked and was trying to place when she had done it. I decided to ask which she proudly shared that she had done it while she was watching her movie before bed. And where was I? Taking a well deserved 15 minute computer break. Yes, this happened basically right under my nose. So, "why?" I asked her to which she replied even more proudly, "I wanted my hair short like Oee's (which is Gabispeak for Olivia).". The last time she had gotten her hair cut she had told the lady that she wanted her hair short like Olivia's to which I had said no way. Apparently, she took matters into her own hands. I told her that I wasn't happy with her and now I couldn't do braids in her hair. I just put it back in a barrette and had her finish her bedroom chores for the morning. She was upset and crying just a tad. I told her that she was on scissor restriction for an unlimited amount of time and that would mean that she can't cut and paste in school. This is her favorite pastime. When she came downstairs, I had her turn in her scissors which she gladly handed over. You must realize that this is my daughter, very relaxed and laid back. She knew she was in trouble and that I wasn't happy with her and quite honestly, just didn't care. I could have smacked her but what was the point. I had to find another way to make her realize that what she did was wrong.

She had story time at the library that day and right after that I took her to get her hair chopped off to try and make it even with the chunk she had removed. As she was sitting in the barber chair, she was smiling. She continued to tell the lady that she had cut off her hair because she wanted it short. She was very proud of herself. As I watched her long locks come flying off and the length of the hair that was left continue to get shorter, I became furious with her. I was so angry at that point. She noticed my scowls and started to pout. Finally, I thought, she might understand my frustration. When she was done, I put her hair back in her bow and went to pay for her haircut. She stood next to me and her brother and sister grabbed the Dum Dum sucker basket that haircuttery gives to good kids and asked if they could have a sucker. I told them they could. And then, it happened, I found my currency for Gabi. "Mommy, can I have one too", she asked. And like my response came straight from God with the proper tones and incantations, "No, you may not. These suckers are for good girls who come to get their hair trimmed, not cut off because they were naughty and used scissors to do it themselves. I am not happy with you." And lo and behold, my daughter started crying. And she cried the rest of the way home. Not for any reason except that she was denied food. But that was enough for me. Even though the rest of the day she was gloriously showing off her new haircut to anyone that would listen, I had my moment where she felt bad for what she had done. That was enough for me.

This is Gabi right before we went into the haircuttery. Notice she glowing smile and proud face. The missing piece is on the right side.

Another shot of the missing piece.

And this, my friends, is my daughter after she was denied her sucker.

Later that evening, over the sucker incident and happy as can be.

It is taking a long time to get used to her new haircut. For some reason, it makes her look a year older. And considering this could be my last child, letting go of anything that turns your baby into a big girl is very hard. But for her, maybe she looks older because she feels older. Because she took control and did something she wanted to do regardless of what her parents thought about it. I am definitely going to have to be more careful about trying to control harmless wants/needs in the future. I wanted her hair long because I liked it that way and for no other reason. She wanted it short and she prevailed. I am a control freak and I admit that. As I said in that last post, each child is different with their own needs and their own wants. I have to respond to each one of them differently. Gabi, even at 4 1/2 yrs, has taught me that as much as I want to control everything about her, I can't. She has her own mind and her own wants. And when it comes to harmless wants, like the length of her hair, I need to let go of some of that control and learn to compromise. And not only with her but with all of them. The only difference with her is that if she wants it bad enough, she's going to go get it on her own. That could prove fatal when she hits those teenage years so I need to start that pattern of compromising now. Pray for me friends, pray for me.