A Final Reflection

If you haven't read the previous reflections, do that now.

I can't believe I made it to this day. One year ago, our life was being unloaded from a BEKINS truck into our new home.

They arrived early and left late. They had told us that it would take half the time to unload the truck that it took to load it. Well, let's do the math. It took them 9 hours to load the truck back in Cleveland and it took them 10 hours to unload the truck here in Pennsylvania. Does that sound right?? 'Cause half of 9 isn't 10!!

I was in my element one year ago today. I could finally take some control over a very uncontrollable situation. I could tell the movers where I wanted stuff and I could start digging into boxes and setting my life up. For a moment, I could forget about the painful last few days, the rawness of the spot that the band-aid was ripped off of. That part was finally over. In my mind, I couldn't see past August 16, 2005. And I had made it to the next day, that was a start. I didn't know what my life would allow me here and I didn't dare entertain the thoughts. September, October, November and so on didn't exist in my mind.

Now in the present, it feels the same way. I have said for months that I look forward to our one year anniversary. To the time where events would no longer be new. That I wouldn't have to guess where to go get my pumpkin or frantically drive around looking for a place to buy my Christmas tree or wonder what the house looked like in the snow. I perservered through this year trying to get to this date. And now, I have made it. As a matter of fact, I've made it one day past. And just like last year, I hadn't allowed myself to look forward to the upcoming months. I just wanted to make it through the first year. You know what?? I did. I did it.

pat on the back

I made it through the first year. I not only made it through, I made it through well and with flying colors. I am proud of me, of us, of my family for jumping in with both feet. We have friends and play dates and a homeschool group, and an unpacked house, and a great uncle who looks after us and goes fishing with the boys, and people to invite to parties, and a place to worship, and we know how to get to the mall via the backroads. How great is that?? We've accomplished so much.

As I sit at Jake's football scrimmage this evening, I am overwhelmed with a sense of peace. A peace that I have not felt for a very long time. That peace brought with it a sense of belonging. We belong here, sitting on the sidelines watching the game, the girls doing cartwheels in front of us, enjoying the scenery of being down at the canal, the green grass and mature green trees as the foreground to the beautiful sunset. We look around and actually know the names of many of the football players, coaches and parents. Why?? We've been here before. We actually know these people. And I don't know a better cure for those feelings of being disconnected and not belonging. How I cherish these feelings. For they have been extinct from my being for a year. I can now look forward to the upcoming months with a new perspective. I know where I'm going for the moment. I've been there, done that. I know what to expect from the fall and the places I want to be and the things I want to be doing.

I am grateful to finally belong.